Zombie Evolution

Musical Heresy

2011-12-26T13:21:00.000-08:00

Kayla and I just put out a new song at Reverb Nation. It's called, 'Musical Heresy'. I've also been doing the stand-up regularly. Any Tucsonans out there can feel free to cheer me on. This weekend I dyed my beard red.

Open Mic Night

2011-12-16T12:00:00.000-08:00

Last night I performed my 'Report Card Day' routine for open mic night at Laff's Comedy Club. The audience was very receptive. There had been a comic before me with the last name, Fullbeard. The first thing I said when I got on stage was, "My name is Paul Notfullbeard". Then I told them my chicken/egg joke. "What came first, the chicken or the egg? The rooster. Can eggs even cum? I know they get laid." Then I did the routine and everybody was rolling in the aisles. I definitely plan to do that again. Oh, and in January I'm going to be auditioning for the local improv comedy troupe, 'Not Burned Out, Just Unscrewed'.
On a different note, I've contacted the local radio station KXCI about the possibility of getting Chief Loh's music on the air.

New Songs

2011-12-15T13:10:00.000-08:00

Chief Loh has been quite active of late. We've put out an amazing five new songs recently! '4N6 of Life', 'Never Never There', 'Reachin' Out', 'One Soul' and 'Thursday's Wrath'. Of course, any descriptions I've put out about the songs is only my opinion. Kayla would be able to tell you her perspective on what each song means to her.
Also exciting is that our daughter made a video for 'Thursday's Wrath' which gives you the lyrics to the song. This is important in my eyes because the song is very moving emotionally.

Thursday's Wrath

2011-11-21T20:33:00.000-08:00

Chief Loh has just put out a brand new song on our MySpace page. Of course, you can always click on the link to the right if you want to hear it! Please let us know what you think.

Report Card Day

2011-11-17T20:09:00.000-08:00

I just wrote and performed a stand-up comedy skit that Kayla recorded. It's called 'Report Card Day'. I wrote it while I was at the store buying chocolate. When I got home, Kayla recorded it. I've put it out on Youtube and our Myspace page. Hope you like it!

Septic Tanks and Irony

2011-11-01T11:08:00.000-07:00

The other day I passed by a septic tank and was taken aback by its uncanny resemblance to a submarine. I had never noticed that before. So I guess, in a way, you could say that submariners are the shit.
I have been trying to get through on the phone to Interfaith Community Services for rental assistance for almost two months now. Today was the first time I actually heard the phone ringing instead of a busy signal. I thanked my lucky stars that I could keep eviction's icy grip at bay for another month. A man answers and informs me that they have a brand spanking new policy that started today which says that they cannot help anyone who doesn't have a child under the age of eighteen living with them! Holy krizmak, them bollocks are a biznitch!
But today hasn't been all bad news. I went to the Tucson Urban League for help with utility assistance. At first they told me that the first available appointment was on November 28th! Tucson Electric Power told me they were going to cut off our electricity on the 3rd if we don't pay them. The lady at the counter next to me was talking to a different representative and they figured out that she wouldn't be able to keep her appointment on the 10th of November. I asked my representative if I could fill in that appointment that had just opened up. She said yes and so that worked out to be not as bad.
Then, on the drive over to a place with free wi-fi, I passed by a church with a marquee out front that said, "God's delays are not God's denials." That got me thinking that everything will work itself out. It was incredibly encouraging to remember that there is a bigger picture that today's trifles are just a small part of.

My Writing These Days

2011-10-29T14:50:00.000-07:00

So much has been going on in our lives lately I haven't had much time to write. I've been donating my plasma at CSL twice a week, calling a billion organizations and churches all over Tucson for rent and utility assistance to avoid getting our electricity shut off or getting evicted. We've enlisted the assistance of the offices of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords in our attempts to get our SSI, Disability, VA benefits or GI Bill to come through. We always run out of food stamps before the end of the month and, without income, that is not a good thing. We have a yard sale every week and still we struggle. My psychiatrist just doubled my anti-depressant dosage and will be getting me into therapy soon.
Good news is that we're still writing plenty of music. We have several new songs in the works. Our productivity with our creativity helps to keep us sane. I've decided to put 'The Nocent part 3: Revenant War' on hiatus for a little while after Monday's debut of Chapter 19. I have also put 'The Nidus Initiative' on hold indefinitely. I plan, however, to start writing 'The Greater Number 2: Devoid of Souls' soon.

New Things

2011-10-07T13:56:00.000-07:00

Kayla and I have been writing a lot of music lately. If you go to our MySpace page you can hear our new songs, 'Ariah', an instrumental, and '4N6 of Life'. Also, I've uploaded my zombie movie, 'The Smell of Fear', to Film Demic and it's also on YouTube and our MySpace page.

Books for the Homeless

2011-09-20T15:32:00.000-07:00

Last night, as I was lying down to sleep, an idea came to me. If amazon.com made a deal with Good Will of some company like that, they could have a win-win-win-win situation. Here's my idea: people who donate their paperback books, get credits toward electronic books for their Kindle. The homeless will have access to literature at discount prices, Good Will will make some money off the books, the donator gets ebooks and amazon.com gets people buying Kindles and shopping at amazon.com.

Blogging From My Kindle

2011-08-24T19:13:00.000-07:00

It's quite cool what I'm able to do on my Kindle. I can hook it up to my car and have my own book read to me while I drive. I can update our Netflix queue, check emails and even blog. Now we have a way to do all those things even if we lose our Internet and cabe because they have free wi-fi at the plasma lab. It's a good thing my mother-in-law won this Kindle in a sweepstakes and gave it to us. Oh, and we finally got our food stamp card yesterday.

Never, Never There

2011-08-24T09:54:00.000-07:00

Chief Loh has been in the studio working hard. http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000070591345 Here's a link to Chief Loh's brand new song, 'Never, Never There'. We have several more songs in the works to be out soon!

Slow-Time

2011-08-19T20:35:00.000-07:00

Through a really long conversation with Kayla, we came to a startling revelation about me. All my life, I've had periods of time during which time seemed to go by really slowly. When I was in the second grade, I figured out a quick fix for that phenomenon. I used the stop watch function on my wrist watch to stare at the milliseconds. When the world around me was moving slowly, this forced my mind to register time as moving quickly. It would get me out of that dream-like dull hazy fogginess.
In college, before any exams, while everyone else was doing some last minute cramming, I would be doing a crossword puzzle. It calmed me down so that I could take the test as unstressed as possible. We realized that I do better when I'm not stressed. I shut down under duress. Some people fight, I fold. What we figured out is that the haziness is connected to me shutting down under stress.
Previously, I thought that I was learning disabled or slow to develop. Kayla always told me that she thinks I'm actually a smart person. I think that what actually was going on in school was that I was stressed. I always got bad grades, but could do good homework. That's because at home, I wasn't stressed. When I'm not stressed, I really am kinda smart in my own little ways, if I must say so myself. That's probably also why I'm so socially inept. Some people would describe me as a quiet person while others would swear up and down that I'm a jokester and quite verbose. It all depended on how comfortable I was around any given person (no offense to anyone out there who thinks I'm quiet).
There are all kinds of things I'm re-evaluating about my life. I'm examining various situations and my behavior to analyze how I might have been feeling at the time. Up until now I've had no recollection of any feelings throughout most of my life. My memories just involve images, sounds and maybe thoughts. Now at least, I have some frame of reference to extrapolate an emotion tied to a memory. Most people feel things as they come. I shut down and can only guess later on what I might have been feeling according to how I reacted and what I did.
I think that everything boils down to fear. In each of those situations, there were outcomes that I preferred to happen and ones that I feared would happen. Ironically, with my way of dealing with fear, I dealt with it in a way that brought about the very outcome that I feared. It's all about misplaced desires. If I learn not to want anything so badly that I fear not having it, then I will always go about getting it with all my wits about me. I guess, in a way, that's what faith is. Believing that you will have what you need instead of fearing that you will not have what you want.

Food Stamps and Plasma

2011-08-18T23:09:00.000-07:00

Lately we've been struggling financially since I got out of the Navy. I've applied for VA benefits, joined the DAV, applied for the Post-911 GI Bill, applied for SSI, Disability and unemployment benefits. The problem is that most of those things take time to process. I've been going to all my appointments at the VA office. The unemployment office has been giving me grief. I haven't been able to get any help from them so far. I've started donating my plasma regularly, which provides some income. We've also sold several items on Craigslist. We plan on having a yard sale.
Earlier this month, I applied for food stamps, spending hours at DES. I got approved yesterday and was told that my card was sent in the mail. The problem is that my benefits have started, but the card hasn't come in the mail yet. There's something very wrong with the system when we've got money set aside for us, but have no access to it. Has anyone else been through this out there?

A Review of My Book!

2011-07-31T17:04:00.000-07:00

Hey, all my devoted fans! Living Dead Media has done a review of my book, 'The Greater Number at http://www.livingdeadmedia.com/horror-books-and-fiction/262-greaternumber.html and you can read it now! My thanks to Lori Bowland for her insightful comments.

We Wrapped Today!

2011-07-25T00:23:00.000-07:00

We completed the second and final day of filming of our short zombie movie today. FilmDemic is going to start taking submissions on the 28th. Now that we've finished filming, our editor will take over the project. I want to thank my actors, extras, make-up artists, special effects crew, camera person, equipment assistant, screenwriter, story boarder, catering, lighting technician, editor and my assistant director for your hard work! The dailies have been amazing and I can't wait to see the finished product.
I was the writer/director/actor for this movie, which I'll be calling 'The Smell of Fear'. The first day of filming yielded some professionally disgusting looking zombie action, thanks to our special effects crew. Today, we shot most of the interior shots and the dialog scenes. Now, our editor will put it all together. I must say, I've seen some of the past work that our editor has done and I am confident in her skills. My movie is in good hands. When it is done being edited, I'll submit it to FilmDemic and wait for the announcement of the winners. After that, I'll release it on YouTube and all that.

Making A Zombie Movie!

2011-07-21T00:32:00.000-07:00

Here's a question for you: why do they have braille on drive-up ATMs? Believe me, this is no slight against blind people, but it is a question Kayla and I wonder about. Perhaps these ATMs were sent to us from Britain where they drive on the other side of the street?

Anyway, there's a company named FilmDemic who has a page on Facebook. They are putting on a zombie short film contest with cash prizes. I've got some friends of mine on board in helping me to make a film to submit. I'm using 'Alive Again' as a basis for the story. The setting will be my house. I'll post the movie on YouTube, MySpace, Twitter and Facebook. Wish us luck!

Six Degrees of Common Asian

2011-07-13T13:14:00.000-07:00

Have you ever played that game, Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon? Well, earlier today on Facebook, someone posted asking what people's favorite Harrison Ford movie was. Later on, in the shower, I came up with a link between him and me.
Harrison Ford was in 'Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull' with Shia LaBeouf, who was in 'Constantine' with Keanu Reeves, who was in 'The Matrix' with Joe Pantoliano, who was in 'The Goonies' with Corey Feldman, who was in 'Friday the 13th part 4: The Final Chapter' with Crispin Glover, who was in 'Back to the Future' with Courtney Gains, who is in 'To Kill A Memory' with yours truly!

What Has Blogging Taught You?

2011-07-13T08:11:00.000-07:00

I read this topic on a blog called 'Better In Bulk' at http://betterinbulk.net/2010/04/what-has-blogging-taught-you.html. I've thought about five things blogging has taught me.

-I really am growing like my blog title implies 'Zombie Evolution'. I recently went back and read every single blog of mine starting from the first and I have developed a voice, found more of myself and I'm more confident now than when I first started.
-I'm a more social person than I realized. I first started my blog with no intention of interacting with people, but now I have quite a social network that includes family, old friends, old high school classmates, movie companies, publishing companies, actors, writers and special effects make-up artists.
-I have a purpose more than I ever knew. My blog started out as 'Zombie Killer's Crazy Ideas'. It was just a way to share some of the ideas I've come up with for stories and characters. I ran out of those in about ten blogs, but I found I had more to write about. When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, my blog took on a whole new life of its own. It became as much about me as it did about my writing, but somehow it was more interesting that way. That leads to my fourth point.
-Writing is more interesting if you don't forget the human element. I've always known that, but I've been making more of an effort to deal with feelings in my writing more than just concepts and fanciful ideas. My wife has helped me to figure out ways to show what a character is feeling, through descriptions of their body language, facial expressions, etc.
-And finally, I've learned the importance of friendship. I had lost a lot of friends when I went into the Navy and I'm just now reconnecting with some of them and finding new ones. A favorite movie quote of mine is from 'Fried Green Tomatoes' when Jessica Tandy says that the most important thing in life is friends. I think that's a big part of why I developed the bipolar disorder while I was in the Navy. Now it feels good to be back home in a familiar place with people who know me. I've even found a new hero, as I blogged about yesterday: Craig Chenery. He is involved in books and movies and is bipolar.

What's Your Favorite Quote From A Novel Of All Time?

2011-07-12T01:58:00.000-07:00

My favorite quote comes from my favorite book and it's not because of the specific words of the quote, but because of the enormity of their meaning. This was the best twist ending of all time in my mind. I am speaking of Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card.
"Real. Not a game. Ender's mind was too tired to cope with it all. They weren't just points of light in the air, they were real ships that he had fought with and real ships he had destroyed. And a real world that he had blasted into oblivion."
This one scene determines the entire rest of Ender Wiggin's life. He spends the rest of his days trying to make good for all the destruction and death he caused in that one moment without even knowing it. The entire Ender series is a huge inspiration for my own writing. Orson mixes science with spirituality, morality, concepts of family and community, racism and bigotry. All of this, he does through characters that you care about and run the gamut of emotions with.
The question from the title of this blog comes from http://www.practiceofmadness.com/. You can read more favorite quotes at: http://wordsinsync.blogspot.com/2011/01/what-is-your-favourite-quote-from-novel_04.html, http://www.stuffcatslikes.blogspot.com/2010/09/theodore-puertoriquezs-favorite-novel.html, http://criticalape.wordpress.com, http://www.carolaskan.com/2010/08/favorite-quote-from-a-novel/, http://dwilsonprice.wordpress.com/, http://drdlpenwell.wordpress.com/2010/08/11/god-tree-climbing-and-infinite-surprise/ andhttp://life4mebyme.blogspot.com/2010/08/what-are-your-favorite-all-time-quotes.html.

'The Greater Number' on lulu.com

2011-07-11T22:50:00.000-07:00

I have found a new hero and inspiration. His name is Craig Chenery and he works in movies and is an author. He is bipolar like me and loves zombies. He lives in Phoenix! I admire his tenacity and perseverance. He is now in a place professionally that I want to be one of these days.
Now I have both books available for Kindle and on paperback. I put a link so that you can get to the shopping area of lulu.com and purchase my second zombie novel, if you would be so inclined.

I Couldn't Wait!

2011-07-11T03:24:00.000-07:00

I decided to publish 'The Greater Number' at amazon.com for Kindle even though the jury is still out on whether or not Sinister Press will be publishing it. I couldn't wait anymore! Besides, I could be making money off it now instead of waiting for however long it would take to turn it into a paperback. I figure, people who want it on Kindle can buy it now and people who want it on paper can buy it later. That's the cool thing about publishing for Kindle, you retain the rights to the work so I can publish with Sinister Press without any legal problems. Now the time has come to promote this new book!

New Ways To Promote

2011-07-09T23:58:00.000-07:00

In the last few days, I've been finding all kinds of new ways to promote my work. There's Networked Blogs, twimagination.com and seededBuzz. I'm hoping this can help to get the word out about my writing. Tomorrow I'm also going to go to Blackjack Pizza to see if they'll let me deliver pizzas for them again. If not, perhaps I can deliver for Dominoes again. Here's a link to the twimagination: http://twimagination.com/d9dm

Kindle Author: Kindle Author Interview: Paul Loh

2011-07-08T14:52:00.000-07:00

Kindle Author: Kindle Author Interview: Paul Loh: "Paul Loh, author of The Greater Number , discusses his book, his journey as a writer, and self-publishing on Kindle. DAVID WISEHART: What..."

My Interview

2011-07-08T13:13:00.000-07:00

I've put a link to the website that interviewed me about my short story, 'Alive Again'. Just click on 'My Interview' under 'Other Sites' to the right and it will take you there! David Wisehart conducted the interview and asked me several questions about my story, my writing, my influences, etc. I'm so excited that it's up! In about a month or so I'm going to ask him to grant me an interview for 'The Nocent' as well. I hope this will get the word out about my writing and generate some sales!

The Nocent on Kindle!

2011-07-06T06:12:00.000-07:00

I figured since 'The Greater Number' is under consideration for publication by Sinister Press, I should put my first book out some other way. What better way than Kindle Self Publishing? It's not live yet, but soon you will be able to buy it for only $2.99 for your Kindle on amazon.com! I also lowered the price for it on lulu.com. The paperback version is around 9 dollars and the electronic version is around 2 dollars.

Flooding

2011-07-05T19:57:00.000-07:00

Monsoon season started yesterday. We found out the hard way that our house is the lowest part of the property we're on. The surrounding street is about eight inches higher than our foundation and the landscape in the back yard is also higher. Someone's bright idea was to build our house in the middle of a funnel. I tried to dig a trench to drain the water away from our back door. The water was about a half inch from coming into the house! My hands are all torn up from the shoveling.
On a brighter note, my in-laws invited us to celebrate our Independence Day at the DAV. There were a lot of really nice people there. My mother-in-law helped me sign up to become a member of the DAV and they paid for my membership! I was blown away.
Recently a friend of mine I've known since I was three years old accepted my friend request on Facebook. Other than family, he's known me longer than anyone in the world!

Keep My Fingers Crossed!

2011-07-03T21:06:00.000-07:00

There's been a lot of spiritual activity in our place lately. On more than one occasion, I've been woken up by what sounds like a woman weeping somewhere in the house. The other day, I was woken up by the sound of an ashtray clattering to the floor from a night stand. We're always hearing footsteps on the tiles. The most amazing physical phenomenon happened two days ago when Kayla opened the freezer and found an unopened Mountain Dew can in there. She had been out running errands and I was blogging. No one else was here. The can hadn't been in long enough to expand and burst. Kayla had been out for hours and I am not picky about the temperature of my soda. It's like we live in the Twilight Zone.
I just got an email from a movie company that's going to be filming a movie called 'Zombie Apocalypse'. They said they'd keep me updated on details of the making of the film. This is a film being made by zombie fans. It's going to be filmed in Los Angeles. That's a heck of a lot closer than Virginia so it's feasible for me to be a part of making this film happen!

Take A Chill Pill

2011-07-02T10:52:00.000-07:00

There was a 'House' rerun yesterday about a lady with psychopathy as a symptom. Her behavior caused me to look up psychopathy on wikipedia. There was a checklist of various signs of having that affliction and I fit almost everyone of those signs. I'll have to ask my psychiatrist to actually administer a test for that so it's not just my wife and my opinion, but a documented fact. Maybe then I can get the proper help I need.
On a related note, we've noticed that my manic episodes in the past and again the other day, coincided with me taking a 'Ginseng Energy Now' dietary supplement. The ingredients are: Eleuthero, Guarana Seed, Yerba Mate, Taurine, Ashwagandha, Ginkgo Biloba, Korean Ginseng, Suma, Ho Shou Wu, Echinacea, Goldenseal, Gotu Kola and Green Tea. Any one of those might be reacting badly with my Depakote or with my natural chemical make-up. Kayla thought it would be a good idea for me to put out a warning on my blog so that anyone out there who is taking Depakote should be aware of a possible negative side-effect of also taking the ginseng pills.
The doctors have given me three types of medication, all of which they just call Depakote. One is Valproic Acid, one is Divalproex Sodium and the last is just called Depakote. The pattern that we've noticed is that it makes me more easily irritable. The more ignorance we obliterate together, the closer to the truth we all get.

Ahora Yo Soy Un Zombie

2011-07-02T00:38:00.000-07:00

Gosh, my Spanish is as bad as my Korean. Explore Talent just sent me an email saying that said that there's a movie starring Bradley Cooper that needs extras, but since I only have a free trial membership with ET, I can't audition. I'd have to pay these people just so that I can audition for a part that I may not even get paid for! Over the phone, they wouldn't even tell me where the movie was being filmed! Why even offer a free trial membership if it doesn't do anything, dern food idjits? Reminds me of this one modeling talent agency that would represent me as long as I let them shoot a portfolio for me for several hundred dollars! No thank you.
There's a film company I'm friends with on Facebook called Film Demic. They just posted that they're doing a zombie short film contest. I figure, that's something I can do. I just had to turn down a part as a zombie for Night of the Living dead so I'm itching to play a zombie and here's my opportunity! There's a cash prize and the winning film will get limited theatrical release!

The Paul Touch

2011-06-30T23:15:00.000-07:00

If you've read my book, 'The Greater Number' at paul-loh.blogspot.com, you probably noticed a bunch of cheesy, corny plays on words and other such nonsense. These little touches let you know you're really reading something by me. Whether it's a blog, a song, poem, story or book, I always throw in my eccentric details. There's also plenty of homages to some of my favorite things in TV, movies, music and literature. Following is a partial list of those from my latest novel.
Hewlett's last name, "Fen-Chang" is Chinese for grave. Desmond's last name, "Azabache" means black. Then there's the terrible groaner, "Helen Hiawatha" (Hell and high water). "Sierra Dophlet" is an anagram for "praise the Lord". If you can't figure out Father Mucker, I'll give you a hint: he owns a painting company called Moe Faux. Enma, Yanluo and Yama are all names for Death or the Grim Reaper in other languages. As you may know, "Kojira" is the Japanese name for the giant lizard we know here in America as "Godzilla". I made up the name Liam Moor during a visit to the mail room in the building I used to work at.
Both "Jasmine" and "Basmati" are, of course, types of rice. The room number in Code Gray where the Ng family is staying is 4077 like the MASH unit in the TV show. When I had to come up with a bunch of names for the people on the bus in the Himalayas, I started thinking about chairs. Therefore, I came up with Miriam Divan, Shirah Couch, Julianne Davenport and Beau Ottoman. "Clark Lutes" is an anagram for lackluster. The tour guide is Ling-Yu Fu, which if you take into account the fact that in China, you put the family name first, becomes Fu Ling-Yu (fooling you).
"I'm hurting in places I'd need three mirrors to see" is a paraphrase of something Steve Urkel said once on 'Family Matters'. Roger Titian's wife is named Paula (politician). Ashland, Oregon is where one of our favorite authors, Neale Donald Walsch lives. This zombie apocalypse doubles as a holy war being led by the monk, "Hadji", which is an anagram for "jihad". "Japanese Institute of Science and Microbiology" is shortened into JISM, which I don't want to have to explain to you. "Hiranaka Ansadora" sounds a little like "hear a knock, answer door".
The story of Kojira and Shavonte is taken straight from the Chris Farley movie, 'Tommy Boy' so it's no surprise that Shavonte gives Kojira the nickname, "Tatami (a Japanese table) Boy". There's a chapter in which a group of survivors is stuck in the Himalayas, surrounded by zombies and out of food. I called this chapter "Alive Again" which is a tribute to the movie 'Alive' which is about a group of survivors stuck in the Andes with no food. Both groups struggled with the moral dilemma of cannibalism. Both "Oregon Entrails" and "Organ Trail" are in the fond memory of a computer game I used to play in the classroom in the 4th Grade called the "Oregon Trail".
"Cyril" is the name of a church not too far from where I live. "Edger Holts" is an anagram for two of the deadly sins: Greed and Sloth. "Love is all good people need" is a quote from a Mother Love Bone song, appropriately titled, 'This Is ShangriLa". "Great googully moogully" is from a Frank Zappa song. A line about a phone booth looking bigger on the inside than it does on the outside is a tribute to 'Dr. Who'. There are lots of bits that I got from books by Jonathan Maberry and Sylvia Browne. There's a line about Sasquatch pulling zombie arms out of sockets, which is a tribute to Chewbacca from Star Wars.

Yo No Soy Un Zombie

2011-06-29T16:06:00.000-07:00

On Twitter I follow the progress of the new remake of Night of the Living Dead. They tweeted that they're looking for 30 people to play ghouls in a teaser trailer. I sent them a message expressing interest and I also friend requested the director. He accepted my friend request and told me that if I'm up for a drive to Virginia that he'll put me on the ghoul list. Insert sound of screeching tires or needle being pulled off a record here. Unfortunately, our car's AC hasn't been working and our radiator has been leaking coolant.
What that translates into is that I won't be able to appear as a ghoul in their production. I had to send him a message on Facebook telling him that I can't do it. Imagine Charlie Brown with his face to the sky crying out, "Arrrgh!!" That was me. My mind has been scrambling around thinking about cheap flights, Greyhound buses, rental cars or anything that can get me there. Right now we're just not in a place financially to be able to afford any of that. If they could just relocate the shoot to California, I could probably manage that. Oh well.

Little White Dog

2011-06-28T09:05:00.000-07:00

Ever since we moved into this new place, both Kayla and I have been seeing what looks like a small white dog around the house. I've seen him by our dog's food bowl. We've both seen him in the living room. I've seen him in the bathroom. We often see him in our bedroom.
Lately, this dog has been manifesting more physically. Yesterday he brushed against my leg while I was sitting on our couch. I saw him at the same time I was feeling him. Our dog was curled up asleep next to me. This morning, he startled me by scratching at the side of the bed. Again, our dog was curled up next to me. We don't mind this dog's company. We just wonder if this is a dog we've known from our past like my childhood dog, Toga or if it's a dog that came with the house.

Reaching A Bigger Audience!

2011-06-27T11:54:00.000-07:00

I just overheard my wife having a telephone conversation with a friend of ours and it sparked an idea for a sequel to 'The Greater Number'. I don't want to ruin it because I want you to be able to experience it for the first time as you read it. I'll just tell you that it puts a new twist in the mythos from the first book. It's an exciting direction for the story to go so I can't wait to see where the story goes.
On Twitter yesterday, NE_Spirit_Society, one of the people I'm following, was asking for any recommendations for some books for some summer reading. I relied to his tweet with 'The Greater Number' at paul-loh.blogspot.com and 'The Nocent' at thenocent.blogspot.com. He retweeted my message to 1289 of his followers! My reply to him had links to both sites so now I could potentially be reaching almost 1300 new readers! I really appreciate this person for that!

Love And Approval

2011-06-27T09:50:00.000-07:00

Someone on 'Dr. Phil' said that they don't need their parent's approval, just their love. Ever since seeing that episode, I've been thinking about the difference. Last night on Netflix we watched 'Nobody's Child' in which someone was brought to a mental institution. Throughout the movie, the scene would flash between flashbacks of bad memories from her childhood and what was going on with her in the present. It was sharply contrasting her reality with everyone else's reality. She would react, often violently, to imagined threats just because they reminded her of her past. She was always waiting for her mother to come pick her up from the institution and she always saw herself as a little child.
At the end of the movie, the character had become so strong in herself that she saw the little girl for the last time. Instead of waiting for her mother, she gives the girl a warm, loving embrace. After a while, the little girl disappears leaving only a strong woman. She has chosen to love herself, no longer needing the approval of her mother.
I think that often, my mistake has been that I have mistaken love for approval and vice-versa. My parents have never approved of my life choices, but they have loved me. I, of course, do approve of my life choices, but I don't think I have ever truly loved myself. In my twisted way, I've made it my reality that they don't love me and that I do love myself. For their lack of approval, I've turned away their love, leaving myself with only an emptiness borne of a loveless existence. If not for having met Kayla, I could have gone through my whole life not knowing love. The problem is that she both loves me and approves of my lifestyle. So I've been able to keep my delusions of love and approval being the same thing. I'm still that little boy wanting my parent's approval. I need to give that little boy a great big, warm, loving embrace.

It's Coming True!

2011-06-26T09:06:00.000-07:00

As we speak, I'm watching the TV show, 'Sunday Morning' on CBS. They're running a piece on the booming fried chicken business in China! KFC is such a thriving phenomenon that a new one is opening up in China every 18 hours! Kayla says we should send our son there where he'd definitely be able to get a job. Gosh, the Chinese really do love their fried chicken. A guy over there even wrote a book about it called, 'KFC In China'. When I saw that piece on CBS, I was so excited, I had to turn on the computer to shoot out a blog about it.
When I was in the Navy, there was a cafeteria in the building I worked in. I didn't always have a lot of cash on me, but a chicken thigh was just about a buck so I'd often have that for lunch. People around the office got used to seeing me noshing on a piece of fried chicken. When I was on my way to the cafeteria they'd ask me if I was about to get some more chicken. I started to joke about, "Well, you know the Chinese and their fried chicken." One day one of my coworkers repeated that line when someone else asked about me and my chicken. I told them that I had started my own stereotype. Now it's not just a stereotype, it's a verified fact. Of course, the Barenaked Ladies had their song 'One Week' in which is the line, "Chickity China, the Chinese chicken / Have a drumstick and your brain stops ticking."

It Came From Beneath The Sea

2011-06-25T20:47:00.000-07:00

The other day, there was a cheesy 50's creature feature involving a radioactive mutant octopus attacking a submarine. I watched the first ten minutes or so just to see if they got anything right about life on a submarine. First off, the sub was in the middle of the ocean and it still had its lifeline up. Life lines are used to keep the crew from falling into the water when walking topside on the sub. When the sub pulls up along side the pier, the crew erects stanchions in holes along the side of the sub. A rope is threaded through holes in the stanchions creating a fence of sorts. Anyway, it is dismantled before we pull away from the pier.
The reasons to not have the life line up are many. For one, it could get snagged on things in the water. Because everyone on board the sub is inside once we've deployed, it is also unnecessary as a safety mechanism. It would create drag in the water. One of the most important reasons to take it down is that it would create noise in the water. Being a sonar technician, I know that any irregularities on the surface of the sub can create noise and if we can hear it, the enemy can hear it.
For another thing, nobody in the crew was wearing coveralls. Coveralls are worn for the ease of putting them on among other reasons. During emergencies, we need to be able to dress quickly. Also, the dialog did not sound military in any way. There were no repeat backs, which are used to ensure the accuracy of the communication of messages back and forth.
One of the most fun things about deploying was when we had to test how seaworthy the sub was. This involved tipping the sub up and down at various angles to see if we would develop any leaks. It's called "Angles and Dangles". First thing that happens is everybody secures every item on board the sub. Anything that can slide, fall, slip or move is tied down, put into a drawer or otherwise kept from being destroyed. Then the fun begins. The angles we must take are extreme so people have fun sliding down passageways, especially in the missile compartment where berthing is. Invariably, someone will have forgotten to secure some item and it will go crashing or sliding into something. I loved standing in one place and leaning against the tilt like Michael Jackson in the 'Smooth Criminal' video. When I was in that crazy angle, I would air guitar while jamming to my mp3.
On a sub, the fresh food always runs out after the first few weeks. After that, it's mostly stuff that's frozen, boxed, canned or bottled. We get fed four times a day, every six hours. The fourth meal is called midnight rations or "mid rats". It usually consists of either leftovers from dinner or something simple for the CS's (Culinary Specialists) to cook like chicken nuggets. They often put out a bowl of mixed nuts out. Of course, some asshole always picks out all the Brazil nuts, which are my favorites.
Another thing, understandably, there's little or no cell phone reception on a sub. The only exceptions to this are if you're standing near an LET. On a SSBN or "boomer" sub, there are three LET's, which are the openings through which you board the submarine. When you're on the sub and near the LET, you can get some cell phone coverage. Fortunately, the sonar room is right by the Forward LET so I can sometimes get reception in sonar while we're by the pier.
One more favorite thing of mine on a sub was what they call the "steel beach". Very rarely, we would surface while we're out in the middle of the ocean. With special permission from the captain, we might be allowed to go out topside on the sub and look at the ocean with nothing but water as far as the eye can see in all directions.

Remember Sammy Jenkis

2011-06-24T19:14:00.000-07:00

Kayla and I watched 'Great Balls of Fire' about Jerry Lee Lewis, on Netflix just now. I knew that Dennis Quaid was in the movie, but when I saw in the beginning credits that Stephen Tobolowsky was gonna be in it, I was a lot more interested. He's one of my favorite character actors.
When you think about it, most lead characters in movies don't have a very memorable last name. I can't think of many movies where I even know the lead character's last name. Keeping this in mind, when I examine the career of Stephen Tobolowsky, I can't think of any lead characters he's played. He's only played minor supporting characters as far as I recall. Despite this, I can think of two characters off the top of my head that he has played who have memorable last names.
If you've ever seen the movie, 'Memento', you might remember the tattoo that says, "Remember Sammy Jenkis." It is integral to the plot of the movie. The guy who plays Sammy Jenkis is none other than our old buddy old pal, Stephen. Again, in 'Groundhog Day', there is a character who is an old classmate of Bill Murray's. "Ned Ryerson. Needle-Nosed Ned, Ned the Head." I'm betting you can guess who plays him.
Anyway, I made my famous Pesto Alfredo sauce for dinner of noodles tonight. Kayla cooked the noodles and some Texas Toast. Good stuff, baby!

REC

2011-06-23T14:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Kayla noticed that our turtle, Speedy, was getting dry skin. We decided to immerse him in a small container with an inch of water at the bottom. One of his eyes had dried shut and that was alarming, but he was eventually able to open it. As soon as I put him in the water, he came out of his shell and just basked in the coolness of it all. He drank some and got some up his nose. He kept blowing out water from his nostrils. His snot caused snot bubbles which were so cute. He allowed me to pet him and Kayla got the camera to take some footage of that. After a while, he farted, pooped, then farted again. He soon grew tired of the water and climbed out, but it was good to see him enjoy the water and moisturize his skin.
We just got the foreign zombie movie 'REC' in the mail from Netflix today. I didn't know what to expect because we had rented the American remake 'Quarantine' from Blockbuster when it first came out and were dismally disappointed in it. It turns out that the original was far superior in almost every aspect. Honestly, it one of the scariest movies I've ever seen and the scariest zombie movie I've ever seen! We were amazed at just how creepy it was at certain points and they didn't just give you the usual cheap startles that a lot of horror flicks use as a substitute for genuine suspense and terror.
The only thing I remember from the remake was a scene where a zombie falls down the center of a stairwell, hitting her head on the way down and landing heavily on the floor all in one continuous shot. That was quite a technically challenging shot I'm betting and it was spectacular, but that was pretty much all that movie had going for it. This movie had good acting, mostly non-stupid characters, real thrills without losing the gore factor and lots of exciting action. I highly recommend it.

Klinefelter's Syndrome

2011-06-21T21:40:00.000-07:00

My wife and I were watching one of those murder investigation TV shows and there was a case of two brothers who killed an old man. The older brother was in a wheelchair and the other brother was developmentally challenged. The older brother got 100 years without possibility of parole while the other brother eventually became free.
The circumstance of his case is that the younger brother was diagnosed with Klinefelter's Syndrome aka 47 or XXY. This is a syndrome that affects men who have an extra X chromosome. One of the symptoms is that you are highly suggestible. His defense attorney put forth that the younger brother was medically inclined to do as his brother said. This made enough of a case for there to be no culpability on the part of the younger brother.
After watching that episode, I looked up Klinefelter's syndrome on wikipedia. Kayla and I were surprised by how many of the symptoms fit patterns in my own life. Lanky build, slow mental development, slow development of motor skills, suggestibility, forgetfulness and being in touch with my feminine side. I mean, I've never thought I was gay, but I have always enjoyed the arts, music and nature while not being interested in things like sports, cars, tools, etc.
I've got an appointment with a psychiatrist that has been provided to me by the VA. I will ask to be tested for this. I think that this may be why the Depakote may not be working as well as it did when I started taking it. The treatment for Klinefelter's is testosterone therapy. The younger brother in that TV show underwent that therapy and became a lot more mentally competent. If there's even a chance of that for me, I would love to give it a shot. If I am diagnosed with Klinefelter's Syndrome, I will humbly become a spokesperson to bring about awareness of this affliction. It affects 1 in every 650 men, yet somehow I've never heard of it. People need to know that there is help out there and they're not alone.
When I think about it, I think the song 'Nothing As It Seems' by Pearl Jam from their album, 'Binaural' is about a man who has Klinefelter's Syndrome. The man can't connect with the world in the ways that he wants to and lives a lonely life. It contains the line, "One uninvited chromosome, a blanket like the ozone". Give it a listen and judge for yourself if you like.

The Nidus Initiative

2011-06-20T15:07:00.000-07:00

Kayla and I ordered a night-vision camcorder to aide us in our paranormal investigations. It came in the mail the other day, but the only problem is that the infrared LEDs make the image cloudy and difficult to see. We're gonna call their technical support hotline to see what we can do about that. We may end up having to send it back for a replacement.
I woke up one morning a couple weeks ago with a concept for a new zombie story. I figured since I was so close to completing 'The Greater Number' that I would start putting it out online chapter by chapter as I write it. As you can tell, it's called 'The Nidus Initiative'.
I don't want to ruin the story for you, but I have a brand new concept for the assailants. In 'The Nocent' they were brought about by an alien virus called the 'Scathing'. In 'The Greater Number' they were brought about by a prion disease and they were distinctive in that they behaved like a wolf pack with an alpha and that they knew the living from the dead by the smell of fear. The twist for 'The Nidus Initiative' is even more innovative and intriguing. Once I've put out a chapter or two, I'll share with you my inspirations that led to this new breed of assailant. That's all I'll say for now.

Boy Was That Embarrassing!

2011-06-19T00:03:00.000-07:00

I did it! If you've been following me on Twitter, Facebook or paul-loh.blogspot.com, you'd know that I wrote six chapters of 'The Greater Number' to finish it today. I sent it off via email to Sinister Press. Of course, if you look at the title of this blog, you'll notice that all didn't go smoothly.
Here's what happened. I was fixing myself something to eat after I submitted my manuscript when something occurred to me. I had the main bad guy, Hadji just kinda slip off into the background during the last chapter. I forgot to write anything about what happened to him. Oops!
I went back to the blog. Eight people had already read it, but worse, I had sent the flawed copy to the publishing company. Yikes! I wrote a scene depicting what I hope to be an appropriate conclusion to his reign of terror. I fixed the blog and then logged on to Yahoo and wrote an apology to the publishers and uploaded the amended copy of the manuscript.
If this book really does get published, that'll be one heck of a story to tell the grand kids. "Grandpa sent the book off to the publishers without an end. Now how about some ice cream?"

Marathon Writing Session

2011-06-17T23:39:00.000-07:00

Ok, so you know I told you Sinister Press is interested in my book, 'The Greater Number'. They would love for me to send them the manuscript. Well, if you've been following that book at paul-loh.blogspot.com, you'll know that I still have six chapters left to write! I emailed them and told them that I'm busy this weekend and that I'll send them the manuscript on Monday. I'm not exactly lying because I'll be busy writing the last six chapters of the book! I already have it all mapped out with what is going to happen in each chapter, so it's just a matter of fleshing it out, editing, proofreading, etc.
This is potentially one of the biggest breaks I've ever gotten in my life, except when Kayla accepted my marriage proposal. I am determined not to sacrifice quality for timeliness. I have a very clear picture of where this story is going. Remember that this book started out as a short story that I wrote when I woke up from a dream. As I kept writing, things just started to fall into place and I found the voice of the story. It took on a life of its own. It may have started out as a dream, but it could become a dream come true!

Sinister Press

2011-06-16T22:16:00.000-07:00

My wife and I have a movie called 'All Good Things' in our instant queue on Netflix. I told her, "I'll bet you it's nothing like 'The Neverending Story' because 'All Good Things' must come to an end." Years ago, when that John Travolta/Nicolas Cage movie, 'Face Off' came out, I was quite disappointed. After a while, a movie called 'Switch Back' came out and I never watched it because I thought it was the sequel to 'Face Off'.
Anyway, I just logged on to our Yahoo account and noticed that we got an email from a representative of Sinister Press. It's a book publishing company. I had submitted a copy of my short story, 'Alive Again' for their consideration. It seems as if they liked it. They said it took a while to get back to me because they got a lot of submissions, but that mine stood out! I've never been one to struggle with incontinence problems and that fact saved our computer chair from needing to be steam cleaned when I read that email.
If I get my book published, I really owe a lot of gratitude to my wife and family, God, myself (I guess), and all of my readers out there. I emailed him back and now it's just a matter of waiting for his reply.

They Won't Leave Us Alone!

2011-06-16T12:37:00.000-07:00

The other day, when I was trying to edit together that paranormal activity video on Windows Movie Maker, the program completely froze up. Everything else on the computer worked just fine. I could get on the Internet, do a malware scan, a disk cleanup, even play Spider Solitaire, but the movie maker would not respond or even close down. I had to restart the computer. After that, the movie maker worked just fine and I finished editing the movie. I put it out on YouTube, Facebook, Twitter and MySpace. Was this a spiritual attack?

We did think a spirit was trying to keep us from completing that video, but then we started noticing something else. We could watch most things just fine on Netflix, except 'Ghost Adventures'. Any time we try to watch an episode, there will be constant pauses and other problems. The Silverlight plug-in will screw up, Netflix will become unresponsive, there would be no buffer building up or we would somehow just lose our Internet connection. It never does any of that when we're watching anything else. Kayla was so flabbergasted that she decided to snap a picture of me interacting with the laptop and she caught an orb!
I thought that this was connected to the electronic problems during the editing of the video, but we wanted to investigate further. Kayla called a friend of ours who also has Netflix. Her friend told us that lots of things she tries to watch on Netflix will have a few problems within the first ten minutes or so, but that it would clear up. Perhaps it just seemed to be so bad with the show is that 10 minutes out of 42 is a greater percent than out of a 1hr, 30min movie. It seemed to make sense, but I had a theory that if we tried to watch an episode of a different TV show, we wouldn't have a single problem. To test my theory, I decided to run a little experiment. I put on 'My So-Called Life' and there was not a glitch to be seen.

I Got Mad Skills

2011-06-15T20:21:00.000-07:00

Back in high school I took place in a talent show. There were nineteen contestants. There were three different categories of performance with six places each of winners and runners up. Three times six equals eighteen winners. I was the one person who got nothing for my poetry reading. I got mad skills.
Once, when I lived in El Paso, Texas, I travelled all the way to New Mexico somewhere for a Regionals competition for several activities. I did a clay sculpture for the art competition, played ping pong and participated in a spelling bee. The sculpture got 8th place. I didn't even place in the ping pong. The spelling bee was more like a bumble bee, earning me absolute last place. I got mad skills.
Once, when I was in high school in Seoul, Korea, I put together a science project that involved playing various styles of music to common household plants. I conducted the experiment, did my research and wrote up everything into a comprehensive report complete with charts, diagrams, bibliography, etc. I spent months on the project so that I could participate in my high school's annual science symposium which takes place in Tsukuba, Japan. I was told my project wasn't very scientific so I couldn't go. I got mad skills.

More Stupid Commercials

2011-06-13T23:04:00.000-07:00

Right now, I'm in the middle of editing together a short video of various EVPs, orbs and unexplainable mists that Kayla has caught on film in our house. The spooky thing is that the computer froze up while I was editing. The Internet is still working, luckily. That's how I'm able to be blogging this. I'm hoping that once I get off the Internet, Windows Movie Maker will have started working again. Perhaps the spirits don't want me to complete this project because I plan to publish it on MySpace, Facebook and YouTube. I'm also planning to upload it to the Paranormal Challenge website so that they can consider us for their show.
Anyway, I wanted to mention a couple other stupid commercials I remember seeing on TV. There was a Proactiv commercial in which a boy testifies, "I put the cream on my face before I go to sleep and when I get up in the morning, you don't have acne." When I hear that I think, "Wow, thanks, man!" If that's the case, why do I even need to buy the product?
There's a similar statement made by none other than Betty White herself. She says, "1-800-Petmeds is quick, easy, saves you money and I save a trip to the vet." When I hear that I think, "Thanks anyway, Betty. It's the thought that counts.

The Movie Hero

2011-06-12T18:19:00.000-07:00

We were watching the pilot episode of 'My So-Called Life' on Netflix when the song 'Everybody Hurts' by REM came on. It made both of us cry immediately because we both had cried years ago when we first heard it. My reason for crying was that my mother was suicidal at the time and I bought the album for her so that I could let her hear that song. Little things like that remind me that I do love my blood relatives.
After that, we watched a movie called 'The Movie Hero'. As silly as it is at times, it makes a very good point. We are each other's audiences and we are our own audiences. We can choose to be the hero or the villain in our movie. Kayla brought up a very good point that it is like what God said in 'Conversations With God' by Neale Donald Walsch. We are all experiencing life for God. Every tragedy and triumph is God's and our own. We are all God's eyes, hands, etc. Good shit, man.

Ghost Adventures

2011-06-11T23:21:00.000-07:00

The Travel Channel has lots of great programming like 'Bizarre Foods' with Andrew Zimmern and 'Man vs. Food', but our favorite is 'Ghost Adventures' with Aaron, Zak and Nick. Aaron is my favorite ghost hunter because he's the one that always gets stuck by himself and he's the most scared. It reminds me of Fred from Scooby Doo always sending Scooby and Shaggy off by themselves. Zak is a nutcase who always has too much caffeine and freaks out about every little thing. Poor little Nick tries really hard to have a personality.
I'm following all three of them on Twitter. I also follow 'Paranormal Challenge' because Kayla and I would love to be contestants on that show some time. We're very interested in ghost hunting. We've got a couple friends who are interested as well. It would be awesome if they would join us to form a team that can appear on that show. I don't even care if we win or not, it would just be an amazing experience!
Honestly, I'd also love it if Andrew Zimmern would do something like that where he has people follow him to all those exotic locations and eat the local cuisine. You know me and food. There's almost nothing on his show that I either haven't eaten or wouldn't eat.

In God We're Trussed

2011-06-10T14:02:00.000-07:00

Kayla says that I've still got unresolved anger issues and that singing, writing, acting and blogging aren't the answer. I know that they are things that bring me joy, but there's a much deeper, richer joy to be had by dealing with my issues. At the moment, these little joys are merely distractions from my issues.
One of the things I know I struggle with is that I always feel like a victim. I always feel as if I am innocent and that I don't deserve to suffer. Back when I used to go to church, there was an example of an innocent person who didn't deserve to suffer. If I was to believe the hype, he was more innocent than I and suffered more than I do. That gave me some comfort, but not any more.
Now, in so many ways, I victimize myself. Here's a classic example that Kayla brought up: I had a bottle of Chinese Five Spice that was the cheapie brand. It was too heavy on the cinnamon, perhaps because that was the cheapest of the five spices. I tried to add other spices to dilute the cinnamon smell and taste, but I only put what would fit into the original container. There was very little space to work with. Kayla suggested that I think outside the bottle and put it into a larger container. Once I did that, I was able to add all kinds of herbs and spices to make it a very flavorful powder that I use to cook with.
That is what I do with my life. I keep myself bottled up and I add to my life only what can fit into this limited space. This blog itself is a spice I'm stuffing into the bottle of my life. Kayla says that my joy could be boundless if I learned to live outside the bottle. I can't give up on living a healthy life.

Astral Projection

2011-06-10T08:44:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite Three Fish songs is 'Found A Widow' from their second album, 'The Quiet Table'. As you may know, Three Fish was the side project of Jeff Ament, the bassist for Pearl Jam. Anyway, this song is about astral projection. In this song, the singer can go where he chooses. I don't have that kind of control.
Sometimes in dreams I go places that my wife and I believe are real either in this world/dimension or wherever. Since I'm a very lucid dreamer, I'm able to explore my surroundings and experience them with all five of my senses. As often as possible, I try to find something to eat in those dreams.
Anyway, right before I woke up this morning I had one of those dreams. This one was unusual though in that I was interacting with someone. Normally I'm alone. I think I jumped into someone else's body like in the Three Fish song. The dream started with me in a college dorm room. I was naked. There was a college girl there. I had the feeling that I had talked my way into being with her.
She began to take her clothes off and as she did, she said, "I guess I'm supposed to take my clothes off 'cause that's what they always do." By this I think she meant that's what she'd seen in movies. I could tell that the body I had jumped into had been with women willy nilly, but that the girl had had nil willy. I felt bad for her and I looked her in the eyes and said, "I know that for you, you're not just taking off your clothes, but you're bearing a piece of your soul to me. But to me, you're just getting naked. I wish I felt the same way right now that you do. I wish this was as special to me as it is to you. You deserve to be with someone who is going to treat you as special as you are." By this time, she was crying and then I woke up.
When I woke up, I told the dream to my wife and she said it was sweet what I tried to do for the girl. I just hope that if she really is out there somewhere, she didn't have sex with that guy and that she'll find someone who loves her. Someone who will appreciate it when she bears her soul to him.

Napoleon Strolls

2011-06-09T11:22:00.000-07:00

The other day I went to the Cox store to return our old modem. I thought it was quite humorous that it was right next to a restaurant called Jimmy Johns. There might as well have been a Dick's Sporting Goods on the other side. In Georgia, there was a restaurant named Dick's Wings. When I first heard about it, I thought it was a gay bar. It wasn't until I saw it spelled out that I realized my mistake.
Anyway, my wife and I have come up with a new way of referring to walking our dog. We call it a Napoleon Stroll. You see, when we say the words 'out', 'go' or 'walk' he always knows what we're talking about. Even if we spell any of those words he knows. The other day, when we were walking him, we commented on the fact that he pees on everything we pass. That marks his territory. We figure he needs to let every dog know who's boss because he's so small and has a Napoleon complex.
He's already shown himself to have a rather large vocabulary, as well as some knowledge of spelling. My guess was that his knowledge of history and psychology terminology are fairly limited so we started calling our walks Napoleon Strolls and so far he seems to have no clue what we're talking about or else he might want to pick that bone apart.

Another Stupid Commercial

2011-06-08T12:34:00.000-07:00

There's this commercial where a lady says, "My pharmacist recommended bubble gum....and patience." She's talking about flavored medicine for her sick child. But what I get out of this is: she needs her pharmacist to tell her to be patient with her sick child. What is this world coming to?
I'm always getting emails from Borders.com. They're always telling me about sales and whatnot. Anyway, I just noticed that they've come out with their own electronic reader, the Kobo. Barnes & Noble has their Nook and amazon.com has their Kindle. I guess I'm just confused as to why Borders seems to be struggling with sales more than B&N. My daughter was just telling me yesterday that B&N never has what she's looking for and she always ends up having to go to Border's for it. I, myself, have had that problem.
Oh, I just wanted to help promote the website of some friends of mine that I met on the set of 'To Kill A Memory'. There was a guy named Gary I met who had his four children be extras. Their website is www.mylittlehomestead.com. I've checked it out. It's kinda cute. They're a very musical family and there are several videos of them performing music. At least one of the songs is an original written by them. Anyway, give it a shot if you like and then you can see them on the big screen when the movie comes out!

White Meat Chicken

2011-06-07T17:34:00.000-07:00

They're showing 'My So Called Life' on cable right now. That's when I first found admiration for the acting abilities of Claire Danes back in the mid-nineties. You ever notice how in TV dinners and everything, they always boast about being made with white meat chicken? I've always found white meat chicken to be too dry and tough and less flavorful than dark meat chicken. And no, the color has nothing to do with it. This isn't a metaphor for nothin', I mean this literally. There's nothing wrong with white people. Gosh, I should just quit while I'm ahead.
On the subject of chicken, my kids had gotten me a shirt years ago for Father's Day that says, "This is what the world's greatest Asian dad looks like." Now I do realize, it doesn't necessarily mean I'm the greatest Asian dad. I just look like him (you know, since we all allegedly look alike). I'm sure I'm the greatest Asian dad that they have. That's one of my treasured accomplishments in life. That and eating dark meat chicken.

What's In Your Fridge?

2011-06-05T23:21:00.000-07:00

We were watching 'Return of the Living Dead' on Netflix the other day. The guy who's showing the new kid around the job looked familiar to me. He was Stephen's boss in 'Poltergeist'. The guy who Stephen yells at near the end of the movie, "You only moved the headstones! Why?!" I quote that all the time. I also like the quote from 'Return' when the new kid makes a disparaging remark about the situation and our man says, "You'll keep your mouth shut if you like your job," to which the new kid shouts, "Like this job?!"
There's also the classic line when the zombie calls dispatch and says, "Send more paramedics." Just like Domino's, they deliver. Speaking of food, in 'Poltergeist', there's that scene where a man gets hungry in the middle of the night and goes to the kitchen to get a snack. He opens the fridge and pulls out a slab of raw beef and puts it on the counter. It's not covered with anything. There's no plate. It's just a hunk of meat sitting in the fridge and he handles it with his bare hands. He puts it on a clean counter and doesn't wash his hands. Instead he handles a chicken wing, which he puts in his mouth. Boy, those were simpler days. They didn't worry about germs. Nowadays, if the e-coli didn't kill you, the salmonella would.

Stupid Commercials

2011-06-03T18:26:00.000-07:00

Once I saw a commercial for a headache medication that said it cures headaches twice as fast. You had to read the fine print at the bottom of the screen that said 'As opposed to using nothing at all'. So by those standards, if it takes four hours for my headache to go away au naturale, then it would take two hours for this medicine to work. Those are some pretty low standards if you ask me.
There was another commercial that says that 85 % of people don't get enough calcium in their diet. They go on to say that if you eat their product, you'll get 50 % of your recommended daily allowance of calcium. Now, what that tells me is that 85 % of people don't eat their product. If 4 out of every 5 people hate your shit, why the hell should I eat it?
You know, I try hard not to be a name dropping groupie on this blog. I know I've told you a few names. Well, this time, the person shall remain anonymous, but I'm just so excited. I put in a friend request on Facebook and was surprised as hell when she accepted. I've admired her work since the early nineties. I'm honored that she added us. Any connections could help us with our dreams.

Decision Making

2011-06-01T20:06:00.000-07:00

I think one of the biggest flaws in my decision making process is that I don't leave room for human error. I make plans or choices that rely on every single thing going exactly according to plan. As I often find out, that rarely happens. When something goes wrong, I have a built-in excuse as to why it wasn't my fault. That's the difference between me and Kayla. She has the foresight and the wisdom to plan for many possible outcomes. She also doesn't have the prideful need to make things not her fault. If something goes wrong with a plan of her devising, she's gracious enough to accept blame.
On a completely different note, I've been able to build up quite a network of connections on both Facebook and Twitter! All this is aiming toward our goal of helping Tibetan refugees in India.

Another Writer

2011-05-28T01:17:00.000-07:00

I just wrote an email to a zombie novelist who is one of my favorites. I have one paper copy of a book of his and two more of his books on Kindle. He is one of my favorite zombie writers. Here is the body of the email I wrote to him:

The first book of yours I read was 'Dead City'. It opened my eyes to the emotional potential of a zombie story. I myself am a zombie novelist. I've been inspired by the depth of characters in your stories. I always strive to find human stories in my tales no matter how horrific the action is. Part of that comes from having read your books and I thank you for that. You've helped to show me that zombie fiction has literary respectability. I'm constantly on the search for more books that have the same heartfelt reality mixed with gore and mayhem. If you ever had the time, I would really appreciate it if you would visit my blog site at necrolepsy.blogspot.com. Thank you for your time in even reading my email to you.

Sincerely,

Paul Loh aka 'Zombie Killer'

I just checked my Yahoo account and found that he had written back to me which is so cool! Here's the body of what he said back:

Paul,

Thanks for the kind words, man! I appreciate that. I just checked out your blog and it looks like you and Kayla are some pretty neat people. Some really good content there. Thanks again for taking the time to write to me, and for letting me know how much you've enjoyed my stories. This made my day!

Joe

I've been really blessed lately to make connections with so many people who are already doing what I would love to do with me life. To top it all off, Kayla has recently bumped into someone who has already been to India and helped Tibetan refugees. This is such an amazing time in our lives and I know that nothing happens by coincidence.

Thanks For Your Support!

2011-05-25T23:56:00.000-07:00

I just noticed that somebody from Australia has been reading my blog. Now that's six out of seven continents! I'm so grateful to my faithful readers. Damn bastards in Antarctica still slackin', though. Anyway, you've stayed with me through thick and thin and I thank you for that.
On TV right now is 'The People vs Larry Flynt'. I've seen it before, but boy is it fun! I love the determination and persistence with which he fought for our rights as citizens of these United States. Ironically, even though I was in the Navy, I have more respect for his fight for freedom than I do for a lot of military people I've known. On more than one occasion he was incarcerated on our behalf. He was shot and to top it all off, he was institutionalized. I admire what he's done for our First Amendment rights.
It is because of him that I can write a blog about bipolar disorder and zombies. If I lost that right, what would be next? Might I lose the right to eat in a restaurant with white people? Oh, by the way, Australia, if you ever do a remake of Alfred Hitchcock's 'Psycho', please let me know. I'd love to see that shower scene with the bloody water going down the drain, swirling in the opposite direction than the American version.

That's a Wrap!

2011-05-24T22:02:00.000-07:00

There may be more filming on the 31st, but I think filming concluded today. I had a couple of really cool conversations with the actor, Courtney Gains. I first thought I remembered him being in a zombie movie, but he told me he never has. He said he'd love to be and I told him I'm a zombie novelist. I asked if he'd be interested in acting for me if I ever got one of my books made into a movie and he seemed fairly interested. We also talked about the show, 'The Walking Dead' on HBO. I told him I'd have to catch the first season on Netflix so that I can be up to date when season two starts.
That conversation took place yesterday and last night it finally struck me where I know him from. He was in Back to the Future. After George punches out Biff, he's dancing with Lorraine. A red head cuts in and Marty's hand starts to disappear, affecting his guitar playing. Lorraine calls out to George and something suddenly clicks into place inside him and he knocks the red head on his ass to resume his dance with Lorraine. Courtney Gains was that red head. That scene is one of my top ten favorite scenes in the history of cinema. I told him that and why it means so much to me. It was the moment that George decided to take charge of his life and fight for what he loves and believes in. Courtney really appreciated my assessment of that scene. I just sent him a friend request on Face Book. I hope he accepts!

Making the Film

2011-05-22T09:19:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I went to the studio to be part of the background in a western. Kix Brooks of Brooks and Dunn came out of his trailer to welcome us to the studio and thank us for participating in the making of the film. He's the star of this particular movie. It's about a bank heist. First, they had to make sure our costumes were period-correct for the 1890s. Then it was off to hair and make-up.
The scenes we shot involved the bank robbers leaving the bank and the ensuing gun fight. There were several horses, as well as gun props involved in the scene so we had to have a briefing about horse and gun safety. We were each given our starting marks and actions and then it was time to shoot. The director sets up camera angles, lighting and rehearses the scene. He also has to help the actors practice to look like they're used to riding horses. That was a sight comical to behold.
Finally, when everything was set up, the director first yelled, "Background!" signaling us to start our actions, then he yelled, "Action!" signaling the actors to start. Each scene was shot several times and there were different angles and close-ups shot of the scenes. After a while, we broke for lunch. One more scene was shot after lunch and then the sun light was too different for continuity's sake to shoot any further. I guess they don't film on Sundays so we'll be resuming on Monday and Tuesday.
As I was getting ready to leave, a cowboy I hadn't seen previously was walking around. As soon as he took his hat off, I recognized who it was. It was Ernie Hudson! I know him mostly as the fourth Ghostbuster, but I know he's been in lots of movies. I actually got to shake his hand. It was so cool. As I shook his hand I looked him in the eye and said, "I'll see you on Monday." That's right, Paul trying to be cool. Trying.

Dying Words

2011-05-20T16:56:00.000-07:00

A huge part of my problem is that I haven't taken control of my own life. I allow the actions or words of others to determine my mood or well being. Kayla says that I need to build my own world and my own happiness. It's no mistake in my eyes that I just saw a guest on the Oprah Winfrey show that had muscular dystrophy, but managed to "play after every storm". He made the most of his life and inspired many to do the same. His name is Mattie Stepanek. He lost his battle with MD almost seven years ago. His final words were, "Inhale on purpose. Don't simply breathe to survive."
Everything I do is simply to survive. Corey Taylor in a Stone Sour song said, "You can survive or you can die. Either way you lose." Kayla is alive when she's drumming. There are so many things she does that make her happy. I wait for things to come to me. When they do come I don't appreciate them because I didn't work for them. If I worked for my happiness, I would appreciate the joys in life. When I'm manic or depressed, the good things in life would not fly out the window, overshadowed by the downers. Kayla points out that I have peaks and valleys, but too often I only focus on the valleys.
One thing I know makes me happy is writing. I know that when I'm angry or when I'm sad, I need to remember my writing and I need to write. You, my loyal readers participate in my healing, just as I hope my writing can help you to find healing in your lives. In the toughest times in my life, you've been there for me like Kayla. I can't forget those peaks. I do appreciate you like I appreciate my wife. Please feel free to share with me your peaks and valleys.

Bad News, Good News

2011-05-20T13:21:00.000-07:00

I just found out that I still have deeply rooted anger issues related to my parents. It's negatively affecting my family life. It makes those around me afraid for their lives because of the violence I'm capable of when I'm in a manic episode. I know that I need to take responsibility for my actions. There was a guy on Dr. Phil who was sexually molested by his mother during his entire childhood. He dealt with his issues and grew up to become a well-rounded man. Of course, he isn't bipolar, but that wall isn't insurmountable.
I just emailed my parents a heart-felt letter asking them to be a part of my resolution of my issues. I told them I'd resolve them myself if I had to, but that I do want to be able to have them in my life. Of course, I told them my family would take priority over any sort of relationship with them. That's how it should be. Spirit is stronger than blood. I hope they have a positive response to my pleas.
The good news is that the movie people called and I'll be going to film tomorrow.

Zombie Squad

2011-05-18T21:38:00.000-07:00

  I joined the Zombie Squad because they do charitable work and might be able to help us raise money to volunteer our services for the Tibetan refugees. I'll have to find out what kinds of events might be going on anywhere near my locale.
  As of Wednesday, I'm still waiting for word from the movie makers to see if I can be an extra in 'To Kill A Memory'. Gosh, I really hope they have room for one Chinese guy in their flick.
  I've been checking out Zombie World News to see if I can write reports for them. I am now a zombie hunter on their website. There are reports of zombie activity all over the world. Of course, it's all fictional, but it's a great way to get my writing in print. This in turn can bring attention to our cause.

No Sales Yet!

2011-05-14T13:39:00.000-07:00

I checked and my story 'Alive Again' is now available on amazon.com for Kindle. No one's bought it yet, but hopefully that'll change soon. I still haven't gotten a call from the movie people, but I'm hopeful for that too. To think I could be in a movie!
Right now I'm listening to four British boys on my mp3 player. Carcass really was an amazing band, both musically and lyrically. There could be movies made about the songs they wrote. One of my favorite songs by them is about a guy who makes glue out of human bone so that he can sniff it and get high! Speaking of movies, I'd love to put together a project where several different directors make several movies based on Carcass songs. It could be called, 'Cinemas of Sickness' or 'Directing the Insalubrious'. I'm sure someone out there could think of a clever title for it. If only I could contact Carcass and suggest this to them.

Misunderstandings

2011-05-11T12:05:00.000-07:00

Being bipolar makes it difficult, though not impossible to understand people's questions the way they ask them. Add to that the fact that I'm not naturally inquisitive and that I lack social skills and you get lots of misunderstandings. The challenge to me is to learn to recognize when a question seems to not make sense to me. I have developed a lifelong habit of assuming I understood the question and answering it the way I think it should be answered. That often leads to further misunderstandings. I might seem rude, mean, hurtful or stupid when I do that.
I need to see that if a question doesn't seem to make sense to me, there's a connection that I'm probably missing. If I ask the person to clarify, then perhaps I can answer the question in a way that is actually helpful. The other day, I was asked if some newspapers should be put in the recycling bin. My answer was, "All recyclables go in the recycling bin." That didn't answer the question that was asked. The real question that was being asked was 'is paper recyclable?' but I didn't hear it that way. If I had noticed that the question seemed a little odd, at least to me, I could have asked for clarification, but I didn't. I only gave the answer that made sense for me to give, which was was belittling and hurtful.
On a side note, I've started recognizing some of the different feelings and thoughts I have when I'm manic, depressive, or none of the above. When I'm happy, that is a none of the above emotion. When I'm feeling down on myself, that's a depressive emotion. If I'm hating God or the universe or people or the world, that's a manic emotion. A typical thought when I'm manic would be, 'The problem with the world is people. God created people. If God didn't exist, I'd be happy.' That's the grandiosity that comes with the disorder.

Never Occurred To Me

2011-05-08T02:06:00.000-07:00

So I've been putting out my book out chapter by chapter, but I've never given you a way to purchase a paper copy of it. As you know, I published it at lulu.com. It's ISBN: 978-0-557-05987-4. Don't know why it never occurred to me to provide that information to you. I have no idea how you go about purchasing it from the website, but I'm sure it's possible since my dad figured out how to do it.
I'm going to put the ISBN in the header notes of the Nocent blog too. I'll also put it on Twitter and Facebook. Why shouldn't I promote my own book, right? I'm proud of it, just like I'm proud of the music Kayla and I make.
You ever have that Australian licorice from Trader Joe's? Boy, is it some excellent stuff!

P.S. I just figured out how to put a button on the Nocent blog where if you press it, it immediately takes you to lulu.com where you can purchase my book. I'll but that button on all my blogs.

Asian-American Idol

2011-05-03T13:38:00.000-07:00

One of the casinos in town has a contest for singers. It's on Saturday nights. I submitted my name for consideration. The next step would be if they called me, I'd go in for an audition. If I pass that, there would be about 19 others I would be competing against on a given Saturday. The event is televised! The prize is $25,000 and a chance to audition for a recording company. Cool or what? Chief Loh will finally get the chance we've been waiting for!
The other day we went online looking for a robe for me to wear. We found an awesome kung fu robe that is black and extends all the way past the knees. That is what I would wear to sing on stage in front of the audience. Paul "Zombie Killer" Loh with his new stage persona. Speaking of stages, I'm planning on performing a stand-up comedy routine for open-mic night at a local comedy club.
On a side note, I'm writing a new short story in the Greater Number saga called, 'Index Patient'. It tells the story of Kojira, the Japanese scientist and the beginning of the zombie outbreak.

Sinister Press

2011-04-25T13:02:00.000-07:00

More and more publishing companies are following my tweets lately. That's so cool! Oh yeah, and my mother-in-law sent us a Kindle that she had somehow won or however, gotten for free. I jumped on amazon.com and bought Apocalypse of the Dead by Joe McKinney. I think I'm gonna look up my wish list from Book Mooch and see what I can get onto my Kindle since so much of what I want isn't available on Book Mooch. Amazon.com has some good prices too, which is good.
Wait a second, I was talking about publishing companies. I just started having my tweets followed by a company called Sinister Press. They had a section of their website about submissions. I wrote a quick summary of the Nocent and submitted it for their consideration. Also, once I'm done putting out the Greater Number, I'll submit that for their consideration as well. Couldn't hurt. Boy, it's just a matter of time before one of these publishing companies thinks I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggone it, people like me. I will know that you, my loyal and dedicated readers have been with me from the beginning through thick and thing. Thank you for believing in me and standing by me while I'm still just a starving artist trying to get noticed in the dog-eat-dog publishing world.

Finally Figured It Out

2011-04-24T05:37:00.000-07:00

Boy, it just goes to show you how technologically idiotic I am. The other day I was writing to you that I couldn't figure out how to format my short story for submission to One Buck Horror. They want it in the .doc format. I'm like all dragging my knuckles, eating bananas saying, "Uhhh, what's that?" Then I looked a bit closer at the Submission guidelines and it just happened to say 'Word (.doc)' as the required format. Light dimly fizzles on in my noggin: "Does that mean Microsoft Word?" Little imaginary British children are prancing around me chanting, "No brains, no brains. La la la la la!"
Wile E. Coyote, Super Genius did it again. I went to the Start menu, clicked on All Programs and kabluey, baby! There's Microsoft Word. Now it was just a matter of copy/paste and a ray of sunlight burst through the clouds, descending on my humble abode as harps played. I went back to the One Buck Horror website, clicked on Fiction Submission and the rest is history. Well, shit, I don't even know if they're gonna publish the damn thing, but I'm just glad I figured out how to submit it. Chalk up another point for Paul, and his (imaginary?) opponent Idiocy gets nothing today. Better luck next time, pal.

Admitting the Truth

2011-04-20T15:48:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like calling my mother and admitting to her that I am heterosexual. I've never told her. I've got to break down and come out of the closet. As ridiculous as that sounds, is how ridiculous it should sound to have to do the same if I would have been homosexual. Why is it that not telling my parents that I'm heterosexual is perfectly okay. It doesn't show that I'm ashamed to love women. I don't have to "admit" to them that I'm "straight". I see an inherent inequality here that I don't like.
Also, I don't have "straight" pride parades. When I kiss my wife in public, nobody accuses me of trying to push my orientation on people. No one asks me if I'm afraid I'll influence my children to be "straight". Geez, you know, this blog was gonna be about a couple of websites I've added to my links. I was just going to make a joke about telling my mom I'm straight, but then I realized I had more to say on the subject. I never realized I had such deep feelings on the subject of homosexuality.
Now, back to the lecture at hand. I just submitted my short story, 'Alive Again' to All Things Zombie so that I can have it published there. I tried to submit it to One Buck Horror also, but I couldn't figure out how to format it correctly. Well, if any of my readers are also writers, I recommend that you follow these links to these websites and submit your own stories or art. You can also follow OBH's tweets like I do.

Local Haunts

2011-04-18T18:31:00.000-07:00

There's a TV show based out of Florida that investigates places in Florida and Georgia that are alleged to be haunted. I watch it every Sunday night. I jokingly call it Yokel Haunts. It's actually pretty well put together for a locally made TV show. They've done more than one show right here in the city of Saint Marys, Georgia. Kayla and I have actually been to a few of the places in which they conducted their paranormal investigations. We took lots of pictures and would like to take video and audio as well.
In Connecticut, there was a haunted light house that we wanted to be able to see, but they don't do tours very often there. We were able to pass by in on a ferry once, but that's the closest we got to it. There were lots of really old grave yards in Connecticut just tucked away even in the middle of neighborhoods and stuff. Those were kind of cool to hang out in.
We went to the Copper Queen Hotel in Bisbee, Arizona. That's pretty neat. I'd love to be able to devote more time to paranormal investigations, even as just a hobby. It's fun to look at your pictures or footage and listen to your audio for anybody reaching out to you from the other side.

Following My Tweets!

2011-04-09T19:09:00.000-07:00

Recently, some interesting people have started following my tweets. Two different publishing companies are among them. I'll be looking into both of them to see if I can finally get published. One of them publishes online stories. It would make my stories available for Kindle, etc. A promoter or agent or someone like that is following as well. I don't know if she'd be interested in promoting our music or my books or what.
I added a new link to the website of an author called Jonathan Maberry. I thoroughly enjoyed his book, Zombie CSU. In there I found a website called All Things Zombie. I'll be checking out that website too. They have a section where you can submit original fiction for inclusion on the website. I'll definitely be submitting some of my stories there. I'll add a link to that website soon.

Give Back

2011-04-09T15:14:00.000-07:00

On the Oprah Winfrey show yesterday, there was a dude that started a website called giveback.org. On it, you can start an organization to raise money for a charity of your choice. Soon, you will also be able to start a charity of your own. On the website you can put in contributions to your organization and you can also have money put in by shopping online at any of several sites listed in the website's links. You can shop for everything from baby clothes to zombie books and electronics.
My wife and I plan to start our own charity to help us get to India to volunteer our services to help the Tibetan refugees. We could add money to our cause by shopping at borders.com, priceline.com, itunes.com, Best Buy, Target. We were disappointed that amazon.com was not on there. There were plenty of other places, though. If you would like to start your own organization, we've provided links on our blogs for you to access the giveback.org website.

Saint Andre

2011-04-06T16:23:00.000-07:00

As you know, I'm always dedicated to telling you about good new foods that I find to eat. Saint Andre is a cheese I found at Publix. It describes itself as a 'heavenly triple cream cheese from France'. I don't know about all that, but it is really good with a bag of chips. I got me some barbecue flavored potato chips, the Great Value brand and ate that with the cheese.
The mixture of flavors is sublime. The saltiness of the chips undercuts the tanginess of the cheese. Alone, the cheese was a bit too overwhelmingly sharp in flavor, but with the barbecue, it cut down on the musty undertones. The moldy outer layer of the cheese was my favorite part. It was contrasted with the sharply tangy flavor of the creamy inner part.

Lock In Those Lyrics!

2011-04-05T15:19:00.000-07:00

You ever watch the game show, 'Don't Fuck-up the Lyrics'? It is awesome! I enjoyed it with Wayne Brady more, but Mark McGrath holds his own as host. Wayne seemed to get more into it and even sang along sometimes. He also has a place in my heart as a fellow improvisational comedian. Of course, I can relate with Mark as a rock vocalist.
If I could, I would so go on that show as a contestant. You already know we love karaoke. Why not try to win some money doing something I love to do? And I won't fall for Mark trying to talk me into doing that Encore Song. No way, if I've won even just $1000, I'm keeping it! Without a question, lock in those lyrics!

Klaatu Barada Nikto

2011-04-03T17:18:00.000-07:00

I'm never sure if what I'm saying on my blog is new or original or creative. You've probably heard in a billion other places this bit of trivia which I think is interesting. What do the movies 'Return of the Jedi' and 'Army of Darkness' have in common? Of course, you know the answer is that they both pay homage to 'The Day The Earth Stood Still' (the original, not the remake).
In that movie, the alien tells a lady what to tell Gort, the big robot. "Klaatu barada nikto". Then in 'Return of the Jedi' in Jabba's palace, there are three guards with the names: Klaatu, Barada and Nikto. Of course, in 'Army of Darkness' the magic words Ash has to say when he takes the Necronomicon are "Klaatu barada nikto', which he bumbles up, bringing to life the titled army of darkness. I'm only putting this into a blog for those of you (myself included) who have not seen this written anywhere else and didn't notice it on their own.

Zombie Creation

2011-03-31T14:19:00.000-07:00

I've renamed Zombie Genesis as Zombie Creation. I did this because I'm writing original stories on this blog. I also like the interplay of Evolution vs. Creation. I'll still be occasionally publishing my old writing on this site, but now it's more focused on new material.
I'm really excited about the Greater Number. I've got some surprising directions I'm going to be taking the story in soon. If you've been following the story, thank you and you've got some cool twists to look forward to! I try not to be predictable with my writing.
Also, if you've been following the Nocent, thanks! We're now more than half-way through the story. Things will be cooking soon between the Untaken and the Defectors. I can't wait to reveal it to you. And when this book is completely released, I'll start putting out its sequel, the Nocent part 3: Revenant War.

Survival Mode

2011-03-25T16:42:00.000-07:00

This morning my wife and I had a conversation bout my post-Depakote identity. Many of my established routines came about as self-medicating measures against mania or depression. I need now to sift through the various things I do regularly to see what and who I want to be now that I'm more emotionally stable.
It's time to redefine myself now that I am no longer defined by my disorder. My doc and I talked about how much of my personality developed as a defense mechanism against the negative environment of growing up with my family.
Kayla pointed out that I was less structured when I was on the sub and for a little while after I got off it. We think that's because I was on what we call 'survival mode' when I was on the submarine. That meant that I was in a stressful situation and was therefore, more acutely aware of my surroundings. I was ready for anything at any time. I was more flexible because I didn't know what to expect from moment to moment.
We think that now that work isn't stressful anymore, I've become complacent. I've allowed myself to establish routines and have come to expect to live by them. Problem is that I still have a family to take care of. It would be unfair of me to expect them to conform to my comfortable routines. They have needs that don't fit my rigid patterns.
It's easy for me to see it's not them who have to change, but myself. I can't continue to live as a slave to my disorder. I definitely can't keep my family in a bipolar cage when I've been given the key to free them. I love them enough to let them out from the clutches of the bipolar bear.
Another thing I need to work on is calmly assessing a surprising situation. Instead of getting mad I should look at it from the other person's perspective and see what they need. If I don't just limit myself to what my eyes can see, I will have more empathy and compassion.

Script Shark

2011-03-23T18:45:00.000-07:00

At work today I had a conversation with a man who has written several scripts. He's also appeared in a couple of movies. He told me about a website called scriptshark.com. On that site, they will put your script out to be read and considered for being made into a movie. It sounds like it's just up my alley! When I got home I checked it out. It seems that anything they would do for you comes with quite a hefty price tag. The only thing that's free would be the actual putting out of your script. I guess, that will be a site I go to once I've learned how to write a script. There are probably plenty of websites out there that can help me with that. I've got tons of stories that I could turn into scripts.
I'm finding out a lot about my writing abilities with the Greater Number stories I'm writing. I can see what I need to work on and what my strengths are. I know I have a lot of good ideas, I just have trouble fleshing them out fully using descriptions and other writing techniques. It's almost like I'm putting out the stories as a draft to be refined before having them put into print.
Orson Scott Card often mentions a website called hatrack.com or something like that. I'll have to check that out. He usually thanks people on that website for helping him refine his stories before he publishes them. I don't know if that's his own site or a general site that any writer can go to for help. I hope it doesn't cost money. As a matter of fact, I'm going over there as soon as I publish this blog.
I'm adding this after having posted the blog already, but I just wanted to mention that hatrack.com is Orson's website. I added it as a link in 'My Favorite Authors'.

Hand of Karma part 4

2011-03-20T14:45:00.000-07:00

  I just wrote part 4 of Hand of Karma today. After I put it out, I walked the dogs. During that walk I realized that I merely mentioned an entire story's worth of material in a few sentences. I realize that at a future time I must write out the saga of what happened at Xi' an. Their story must be told.
  I don't remember if I've already told you this or not, but I'm thinking once I've written the stories of the Greater Number, I'll publish the whole thing as a novel or a collection of short stories. It's funny how I've spent years working on the Nocent stories, but this story just dropped in my lap and it seems to be turning out pretty well so far. I'm interested in seeing where it goes. The spontaneity of it is invigorating!
  Sometimes I look back at it and see big mistakes and inconsistencies, but that's all part of the fun of it. I mean, I honestly thought there was a segment of the Great Wall in Xi' an, but when I looked at the map, I realized my mistake. That's when I made up the part about the bus ride from Shaanxi, where the nearest segment of wall is. Well, anyway, I'll try to be more careful in the future with my geography and stuff.

52 Pick Up

2011-03-17T19:17:00.000-07:00

  When you're bipolar, focusing on a task is like trying to build a good hand in a mental game of poker while your mind wants nothing more than to force you to keep playing 52 Pick Up.
  When I wrote part 2 of The Greater Number 2, I decided to leave it with a cliffhanger, but I had no idea what I was going to build to. This morning, inspiration struck so I wrote up part 3. I think I like the way this story is shaping up. You know, if this series of stories ends up with many sequels, I might just seek to publish it as a new novel. To think, it all started as a dream. I'd say it's come a long way since then, if I must say so myself.
  As a matter of fact, Zombie Genesis has gotten four followers! Can you believe that? People are actually following the stuff that comes out of my noggin! I don't even follow it all that well all the time! To my worldwide readers, please check out the blogs of my followers. I'm not too good at this whole social networking thing, but I think they'd appreciate it. I know I would.
  Kayla and I got Tim Burton's film, 'Ed Wood' sent to us by Netflix the other day. I was struck by how similar he and I are. He's a guy who is passionate about the stories he has to tell. He wants to get them out to the world, but he has to face a lot of naysayers and people who don't believe in him. I'm not trying to whine or nothing. I really do have an amazing readership which I do appreciate immensely. Friends from middle school, high school, college and other places, plus all my worldwide readers.
  It's awesome to see how popular my New Chinese Proverbs were too. It started out as just a bunch of thoughts, then I wrote them down. Now people all over the world have read them. I'm sorry, but grandiosity is one of the symptoms of bipolar disorder. Depakote, please humble me. I don't want to turn my readers away with an over-inflated ego.

Frankenchicken

2011-03-14T18:22:00.000-07:00

  When you're bipolar, you alternate between feeling like that proverbial chicken with its head cut off and feeling like that chicken's head. I feel as if Depakote has reattached the head to the chicken. Now Frankenchicken gets to pick up the pieces of his life and sort out what's what. I never knew how good it feels to be more or less whole.
  Today my wife and I went to speak with a doctor down in Jacksonville about the results of a psychological evaluation I took a couple weeks ago. He asked my wife what she noticed about my personality before the Depakote. She told him a lot of her observations of my behavior. Without even knowing it, she touched on some very telling signs of bipolar disorder like grandiosity. Several of the things she mentioned corroborated the results of the test that the doctor already had in his hand.
  He pointed out that the evaluation I filled out took place before I was prescribed the Depakote. He was curious as to how I would respond to the test now that I'm on it. I went downstairs to the computer and redid the test. This time, he said I seem to exhibit a lot less symptoms of bipolar disorder in my answers. So now, I have two Navy psychologists, one civilian psychologist and one Navy psychiatrist who all agree I have bipolar disorder. Whoda thunk it?

The Greater Number 2

2011-03-12T17:19:00.000-08:00

I've got fresh ideas brewing for a sequel to The Greater Number. As early as tomorrow I may debut the first part of the story. Also, I have over a dozen other short story ideas that I might start putting out soon. Writing is so fun. I hope the Depakote isn't making my writing suck! My doc says it should manage my manic episodes without sacrificing my creativity. Oh, goody!
We just watched 'Rennaisance Man' with Danny DeVito on Netflix. I had forgotten just how good that movie is. I've just been having such a good streak of movies coming my way. We also just made a trip to Borders. We wanted to get some info about India and Tibet. We want to learn about their food, their language, etc. While we were there, she found a book called, Zombie CSU: The Forensics of the Living Dead by Jonathan Maberry. Knowing me, I snatched it up immediately! Can't wait to read that!

Re-Animator

2011-03-09T07:00:00.000-08:00

Just got Re-Animator sent to us from Netflix yesterday. Watched it with my wife last night. I had forgotten just how cool that movie is! My wife liked it too. It was the first time she had ever seen it. She really liked Herbert West. There are so many classic lines and scenes in there I had forgotten about.
I'm half-way through writing the final part of the Greater Number. It has been a really gratifying experience for me. I mean, once I had that dream, the story practically wrote itself! I've just been sitting back and watching where it goes. I'm thinking once I'm done writing that, I'll start putting out one of my dozen other short story ideas. It keeps my creative juices flowing. I might put out a part of Six Shooter or anything really. I'll have to go over my folder of short story ideas and pick one that I think will challenge me, but at the same time, be interesting to you.

Altruism

2011-03-07T18:31:00.000-08:00

It has always been my idea that if everyone is looking out for everyone else, then no one will go without. Kayla has had to reel me back to reality in pointing out that not everybody lives like that. If I continue to only give without any thought to my own needs, I will only hurt myself and, therefore, not be able to help others as effectively as I could if I took care of myself first.
I just watched a movie on Netflix called, 'From A Place Of Darkness'. Throughout the movie, Kayla and I were impressed with the metal guitar riffs during several scenes. We sifted through the credits at the end to see the names of the musicians so that we could do a search on itunes. It turns out the movie was made in Tucson, Arizona! Not only that, but one of the main musicians is named Jamie Mitchell. Now, I do realize that Jamie Mitchell is a common name, but Jamie Mitchell a musician (possibly metal guitarist) from Tucson, Arizona? If you might recall, that was the name of the lead guitarist from my old band, Shadow Puppets.
I tried looking him up on itunes. I looked up both Jamie Mitchell and the name of the band, the movie attributed the music to, Ingo Swann. Neither turned up anything. I tried wikipedia and that had nothing either. I tried looking up Jamie on Facebook and that was fruitless as well. Oh well, if it is him, I'm glad he seems to be doing pretty well for himself. Even if that's not him, I hope he's doing well wherever he is.

Underlying Issues

2011-03-06T15:43:00.000-08:00

Kayla and I were talking about our relationship and she made a point that stopped me dead in my tracks. I've always known that for some unknown reason I hate myself. I've explored some of those issues in past blogs. What she said to me is that all the ways I hurt her are not to hurt her, but to hurt myself. I mean yes, I started out this relationship hurting myself in many ways, but that wasn't good enough for my deep inner self who hates me. Let's call him, Ego.
Ego saw that Kayla actually sees the real me and loves me anyway. No one I've met in my life was able to see past my various masks and fronts. Those who did, still didn't have a clear view of who the 'man behind the curtain' is. That takes a certain amount of care, patience and love that none but my wife have had for me. She broke through all my bullshit, saw the real me, and understood that I'm just another hurt soul like everyone else. She alone has had the patience to pull back the layers and examine them one by one.
My Ego has now moved on to trying to get out of the way the only person who actually loves the real me. He sees that hurting myself only makes Kayla love me more and want to help me. She has dedicated the last seven years of her life to helping me heal and grow. If my Ego can hurt her enough that she pulls away in an effort to protect herself, then my Ego has won. Not only will I be left with the original hate for myself, but I will hate myself even worse than before. I will know that I was right all along that I could never deserve to be happy or to be loved. My self hate will be justified because I hurt the one person I loved the most.
Ironically, I need to stop focusing on making my family happy in order to work on myself. I can't dedicate my life to them if I myself am so broken. It's like in Kayla's blog titled, 'Forgiveness', my plate is empty so I can't fill theirs yet. So in order to fulfill my dream of a happy, healthy family, I must first become a whole person and stop hating myself.

Rooting Out The Lows

2011-03-03T19:10:00.000-08:00

All this was at the subconscious level, but growing up I always noticed how different I was from everyone else. I always had the Korean way hammered into me, in which there are no individual opinions. If you're Korean, there are certain things you're supposed to like and dislike. For instance, Korean pears. You just have to like Korean pears. They will feed them to you no matter what because they can't conceive of anybody not liking them. If you tell them you don't the only thing they can think of is that you must have had a bad one. You must keep eating them until you find one you like, but it doesn't matter if you never do because you're the problem, not the pears.
All those differences made me feel as if I weren't normal. If a song came on that I didn't like, but it was popular, I was just supposed to listen to it because it's popular. No wonder I had such a low self esteem growing up. Add to that the fact that when I would move around because of my dad, none of my friends would ever even try to keep in touch with me.
It's only been since I met Kayla that I've started to root out the sources of my deep inner emotional turmoil. I'm finally getting to a place where I'm beginning to heal a little bit. Also, yesterday my psychiatrist gave me a prescription for Depakote which is a mood stabilizer. I'm hoping the road to healthiness will be under foot soon.
Tomorrow I'll be putting out chapter 20 of the Nocent, which is short but surprising. Also, tomorrow I'll finish up writing the 5th part of The Greater Number and put that out too.

The Greater Number

2011-02-27T14:44:00.000-08:00

As you can see, I turned my dream from this morning into the beginning of a story. I'm already working on part 2 in which we'll get to see what this warning is all about. You probably have some idea already. This is a fun way to write, letting the world see it as you create it. It almost reminds me of my days in the Peanut Gallery, the improv comedy troupe. As I made it up, I could see whether or not the audience responded to it immediately. Oh, what a thrill.
Already, there are people reading it. As a matter of fact, someone from South Africa has read it. That's interesting because there is a character in there from South Africa. Also, it is the first time anybody from Africa has read any of my blogs. Now that just leaves Australia and those dern fool idjits in Antarctica! Oh well, can't please them all.
Tomorrow I'll be putting out the 19th chapter of the Nocent and boy is it a good one. You get to meet the main bad guy! I'll probably also put out the next installment of The Greater Number tomorrow. These are exciting times for me in my writing career. I'm coming up with new ideas, I've got a world-wide readership and I just feel great!

"Chee kon yeh mom weh"

2011-02-27T09:35:00.000-08:00

This morning, right before I woke up, I had a peculiar dream. I had come to a small town that looked decrepit with no people I could see. I was walking around when I finally spotted an Asian lady on a bench, trying to read a children's book to her distracted son. He kept getting up and running around. On a bench across from them was an older Asian lady, possibly the boy's grandmother. I was with a couple other people, but I don't remember who they were. They didn't really have much to do with the dream other than standing around.
I asked the mother what book she was reading. She didn't answer, but kept calling for her son to come and sit down to hear the story. The old lady looked at us and said, "Chee kon yeh mom weh." I figured it was some Asian language I am unfamiliar with, which is all of them except for Korean and that definitely is not Korean. The young lady said, "Don't mind her. She doesn't speak English." I asked her if there was anywhere my friends and I would be able to get something to eat. Again she acted as if she didn't hear me.
My friends and I were about to go explore the town a bit more and see if we could find anyone else that might be a little more helpful. As we turned to leave, the old lady stood up and said more forcefully, "Chee kon yeh mom weh!" Right before the dream ended, my friends and I passed by an establishment where there was a radio out front. On the radio we heard what seemed to be an emergency broadcast that kept repeating the same message. The reception wasn't very good and it kept cutting in and out. What we were able to hear was, "This is an emer....cy......we will con.....nue to broadcast..............outbreak that started ye.......day has spread.........We will come back mom.......tarily with more news........You must evacuate. Head we......to our headquarters in.................."

Vampire Journals

2011-02-26T18:56:00.000-08:00

'Vampire Journals' is a movie by Full Moon Pictures, not to be mistaken for 'Vampire Diaries' the television show. This movie was put out back in 1997, but I didn't see it until tonight on Netflix. It is one of the best vampire movies I've ever seen. Other favorites of mine include the Lost Boys trilogy and Near Dark. One thing that stands out about this movie is the amazing soundtrack. I tried looking it up at Borders.com, Amazon.com and iTunes, but to no avail.
Full Moon Pictures is known for putting out a lot of cheesy, less-than-B movies in the late 80's and early to mid-90's. When I was in high school, those movies were my bread and butter. The Pit and the Pendulum was one of their better produced films. As cheesy as they were, they often had music that was quite good. Puppetmaster 2 has an amazing score for a silly little flick about living puppets. One of the worst movies ever made, Bad Channels, happens to have three songs on the soundtrack by one of my favorite bands, Sykotik Sinfoney.
The Vampire Journals soundtrack has lots of pianos and strings. From the very first scene, it is infused with a haunting score which is not let down by the acting or the plot. For once, the movie is as good as the music! Other such movies like that include the Last Unicorn, Back to the Future 3, Schindler's List and O Brother, Where Art Thou?

New Chinese Proverbs

2011-02-26T09:17:00.000-08:00

I just unleashed my New Chinese Proverbs into the world on Zombie Genesis. I wrote those back when I was in college. I'm actually really proud of them. A lot of them have been incorporated into stories I've written, including my first novel, the Nocent. The song 'Proverbs' by Chief Loh (available to listen to at MySpace.com/chiefloh) contains several of them.
As you can tell, I had a lot of time on my hands in college. I was bored a lot. These are just my little observations of the world around me. Confucius is probably turning in his grave saying, "You can't put that in a cookie!" Buddha's hanging out in Nirvana shaking his fist like the Three Stooges saying, "Why I oughtta!" Mohammad is all like, "How many arms do you have, hmm?" Jesus just wants to make sure I stay away from the Kool-Aid.

A Very Paul Moment

2011-02-25T13:25:00.000-08:00

In 'Netherbeast Incorporated' there's a scene where a lady named Rebecca disappears. In a later scene, someone thinks she hears Rebecca's voice. When she tells someone about it, he asks her, "When you thought you heard Rebecca, are you sure it wasn't Ricotta?" The lady looks at him confused-like and says, "Ricotta? Like the cheese?" That is such a Paul Loh moment in cinema.
In 'Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory' when Charlie Bucket's teacher addresses his class and says, "I've just decided that the test we normally take on Friday over the things we've learned all week will now take place on Monday before we've learned them, but since today is Tuesday, it doesn't matter in the slightest." That is one of my favorite Paul moments. That movie is full of them.
Of course, there's the ever-popular scene in the 'Princess Bride' when Inego and Fesik are rhyming and Wallace Shawn gets frustrated and declares, "No more rhyming now, I mean it!" To which Fesik replies, "Anybody want a peanut?" That's a classic. If you've ever read any of my work, especially my blogs, you'll recognize moments like these strewn about. If you've ever had a conversation with me, you might have heard it there too. Absurd statements or dialog that somehow fits within the context of a piece of writing.
One example would be in the Nocent when the band is driving in their van through the desert and one of them looks out the window and says, "What a pretty plateau," to which another character replies, "Isn't it a butte?" That joke originated when I was in middle school and went on a field trip to Carlsbad Cavern. It was there that I learned the differences between plateaus, mesas and buttes. Originally, I had the joke involve two geologists walking through the desert. I submitted it to Reader's Digest but it was rejected so I retooled it for inclusion in my first novel.

Tomorrow's Chapter

2011-02-24T18:44:00.000-08:00

I've been putting out a lot of song lyrics and poetry on the Zombie Genesis blog. If you want something more substantial, I'll have more time to put out some of my short stories this weekend. Pretty soon I'll be putting out some new short stories as I write them. I've been inspired because I just got two of Stephen King's collections: 'Night Shift' and 'Nightmares and Dreamscapes', as well as 'Star Wars: Tales From Jabba's Palace' edited by Kevin J. Anderson. I'm in the mood to write so that's on the horizon.
I just found out that an old friend of mine writes for Hollywood now. She wrote for 24 and now writes for 'The Event' and 'Vampire Diaries'. She'll also be acting in the 'Vampire Diaries'. One of these days I just might get my big break and get to do all that cool stuff too. I ain't naming names, cuz that's just cheesy.
In tomorrow's chapter of the Nocent, we'll find out a little bit more of this mystery man who was fighting Kenn in chapter 17. Of course, you won't be able to read their entire back story until the prequel, Nocent part 1: Dark Betrayals, but you find out a little tomorrow. I know there hasn't been a lot of action yet in the book, but I'm still setting up the situation. Most of the characters have been introduced now so we're finally going to get into the meat of the story. So far we've seen some vampires, but don't worry, I haven't forgotten the zombies. They'll be coming soon. I won't ruin it for you by saying when, but soon. Thanks for reading!

The Last Piece of Paper On Earth

2011-02-24T15:01:00.000-08:00

I don't remember if I've told you about this yet. I was searching through my blog archives and I couldn't find it so here it is. This has to do with a religion in one of my stories. It's a story which revolves around a group of survivors of an outbreak of a zombie-like creature. Three people had escaped the mainland in a helicopter and flown to a remote island.
This story takes place years later when they've populated the island with many offspring. As far as remnants of the old world, they only have what was on the helicopter when they escaped. There happened to only be one blank sheet of paper. No one wrote on it because everyone had something they could write and there was only the one sheet.
The religion started as people meditated on what they would write on the last piece of paper on earth. The sheet itself now sits on a shrine in a temple. People go there to gaze upon it and contemplate their deepest thoughts, desires and wisdom. Some would write about their love for their family and friends. Some might choose to write poetry of any subject, spiritual or otherwise. Some people write their questions to God about why the world is the way it is. Most people find their deepest inner selves while focusing on what are the most important things to them really. They concentrate on truth, shedding all the nonsense that one might write if there was an infinite supply of paper. What would you write on the last piece of paper on earth?

Acronyms

2011-02-23T16:53:00.000-08:00

The other day I noticed two or three Border Patrol vehicles on I-95 on my way down to Jacksonville. Apparently, they just sit there, day after day, looking ominous. In my mind, that's borderline harassment!
The military is crazy with acronyms! I made one up to describe my mental capacity: RETARDS, which stands for RETention And Recall Deficiency Syndrome. Anyway, here's a quick lesson in Navy acronyms as related to you in a personal story.
When I was taken off the Wyoming, I was put into the Transient Personnel Unit (TPU) in Jacksonville. That meant that I had to drive down to Florida to muster with them. I voiced my concern with this set up so they cut me Temporarily Assigned Duty (TAD) orders to the Naval Submarine Support Command (NSSC). Even so, I still had to drive down every Thursday to attend a General Military Training (GMT) on the Navy base in Jacksonville. That continued until the Personnel Support Detachment (PSD) gave me Permanent Change of Station (PCS) orders to the Trident Refit Facility (TRF) on the King's Bay Submarine Base in Georgia. In other words, I had to go to GMT with TPU even though I was TAD to NSSC until PSD gave me a PCS to TRF. Got that? Sadly enough, Kayla's been around all this shit for so long that she actually understands what all that meant. I'm sorry, Kayla.

PC Games vs Un-PC Games

2011-02-22T13:47:00.000-08:00

This is probably the oldest concept in the books, but to me it's something humorous I thought up. I'm never sure if I made something up originally or if someone else did without my knowing about it. For instance, the URL for this blog contains the word necrolepsy, which I thought I made up. When I googled it, I found that it already exists. Dern you young whipper snappers! I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for these darn kids! I shake my cane at you.
Disclaimer: The following may be offensive to viewers under the age of 2 and a half. If you are under the age of 2 and half, please click on the button here [ ] and you will be redirected to a fart joke or something.
Anyway, my 18 year old daughter loves her PC games. She plays them all the time. I, on the other hand, would probably have more fun with some un-PC games. How about, Weakest Chink or Pin the Tail on the Dumbass? Gary Larson had some of his own in his Far Side cartoon like Tether Cat and Bobbing for Poodles. I remember in childhood there was Smear the Queer, not to mention Cowboys and Indians. One I didn't like was Kick Paul. That was a popular one at my middle school.
Oh, and by the way, I am absolutely joking about all this (except for the Kick Paul, that was for real). I would never single out a particular group of people for ridicule or harm. Hate crimes are nothing to joke about. This was for entertainment purposes only. In other words, "Don't try this at home!" My lawyers made me say that. They're still trying to settle out of court with the class action suit against me launched by the Japanese ham sammiches. Their lawyer, Mr. Sosumi is relentless. What a nightmare that's been!

Pastor of Muppets

2011-02-21T14:32:00.000-08:00

When I was in high school, I used to fall asleep with my earphones on blasting Metallica. I deliberately did that because it would give me the most wicked dreams. It is from those dreams that a lot of my writing comes. I couldn't tell you how many scenes from the Nocent are just straight transcriptions of nightmares of mine. That's how I know it's good shit cuz it scared the shit out of me.
During high school, music was my stability. I was an Army brat as you might know. That, coupled with the fact that I'm bipolar gave me a deep-rooted desire to have any semblance of stability in my life. That came in the form of my Star Wars toys, which always moved around with me anywhere my father was stationed. Later in life, movies, books and music became foundations of stability for me. No matter where I went, they were a constant. Also as important, they were reliable, dependable, trustworthy and they never yelled at me or made me feel stupid. They never told me, "It's easy!" when I couldn't do something.
One of my favorite albums of all time is Blind Melon's eponymous first album. I think Blind Melon is one of the most under-appreciated bands ever. Most people would only be able to name 'No Rain' by them. That is a good song, but it is one of my least favorite simply because the rest of their body of work is so strong. Probably my favorite song of all time by anyone is 'Change'. It has the same message of encouragement echoed by such bands as Hatebreed, Pearl Jam and Soulfly and preceded by Buddha and the Christ: "When life is hard, you have to change." You can't change what the world is gonna do to you, you can only strengthen yourself so that you can overcome it.

She'll Be Comin' 'Round The Mountain

2011-02-20T13:12:00.000-08:00

Kayla and I have been talking on the phone this last week or two. Ever since I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, she has expressed a desire to come home to be with me. All our past struggles have a new light shed on them. She knows me from the inside, out and knows that if I had the power to manifest into reality the man I intend to be on the inside, our lives will be so much better. That's the problem with me now is that I have no idea what is going to come out of me in any situation. My intended effect rarely comes to fruition.
When I am having a manic episode, I don't have access to my prefrontal lobe which manages my conscience, my judgment and my ability to see the big picture. In other words, I'm not aware of the possible consequences of my words or actions. In the past, Kayla was under the impression that I did bad things because I don't care about her or my family. We're both coming to find out that I do care, I just don't always know how to put my good intentions into action.
Looking back on my life, I think my mom is bipolar, as well as my grandmother before she died (I'll let that one slide this time, Captain Obvious. Just stay on your meds!). The doc says that this shit is congenital or whatever word means that it runs in the family. I think that since they are both Korean, their parents didn't have it diagnosed because it would bring shame to the family.
I think the same might have happened to me. Evidence of that would be the fact that I was raised right-handed even though I was born left-handed. In turn, I've become neither-handed or quasi-dexterous if you will. A side-effect of that is that you can always tell what activities my parents taught me and which ones I taught myself. If I do it with my right hand, it's because they made me. If I do it with my left hand, I discovered it on my own. The most obvious example being my Rosy left Palm.
Also, my dad deliberately didn't teach me Chinese growing up because he didn't want me to have a Chinese accent. I remember going to a speech therapist as a child. I guess I developed the ability to talk later than my parents would have liked. To avoid embarrassment in front of their friends, they had to nip that little problem in the bud by shelling out what ever cash it took. They've always told me I'm a late bloomer. They never had me diagnosed with anything. I think I might have been helped out immensely in a Special Needs classroom or, at least, with proper therapy and/or medication growing up. As it is, I just grew up thinking everyone else was smarter and better than I am.
To this day, I still feel that way, but I'm at least able to start on the road to healing since I've been diagnosed. I'm not stupid, just chemically imbalanced. Growing up, my two least favorite words were, "It's easy!" That's all I ever heard from my parents when faced with the challenge of being unable to perform whatever task was at hand. Math problems, riding a bike, driving a car, being in school, etc. I would watch everyone else breeze through like it was nothing while I struggled just to stay behind. All for the sake of my parent's dignity in front of friends they don't even really care about.
Friends to them are just someone to boast to when your kid goes to MIT. Friends are someone you have to send a Christmas card to so they'll keep paying attention to you. Friends are someone you tell that your son went to Harvard to hide the fact that he only went to the University of Arizona. It took me four and a half years to graduate with a double major, but I was chastised because it should have only taken me four years. Of course, to them it was a waste of time because I didn't become a doctor or a lawyer.
Shit, this blog was supposed to be about the good news that Kayla is coming home and it somehow devolved into this rant about my childhood. You see, I'm never sure what's going to come out of me. 'Live Deliberately' is gonna be my new motto. That's how you build trust. When you say you're gonna do something, you do it. I've had the right intentions all along, now is the time for my actions to reflect that.

Night of the Creeps

2011-02-19T19:39:00.000-08:00

This is one of my favorite movies of all time. I think you can see the influence from it in the Nocent book with aliens being the cause for a zombie outbreak. But this movie is so much more. It's humorous, intelligent, the protagonist is a nerd and the characters are well thought out. Everyone has a back story just like in Star Wars. All the stories fit together and lead to this one night of terror.
Other gory movies with a humorous edge include: Evil Dead 2, Return of the Living Dead, Darkman, Killer Klowns From Outer Space, The Pit and the Pendulum (Full Moon), Netherbeast Incorporated, Army of Darkness, the Lost Boys trilogy, Shaun of the Dead, Zombieland and the Chucky sequels. All of these are some of my favorite movies. I always like movies where the characters are real and the dialog isn't stupid. Smart people being killed by even smarter bad guys. That's the stuff! I mean, if I had the Terminator, an Alien or the Predator after me, I would have just as much, if not more trouble than the heroes and heroines did. I wouldn't be an idiot like most horror movie characters, but I just might not be able to outsmart the baddies.
Writing the Nocent stories, I'm trying to write something that, if I read it or saw it in the theaters, I wouldn't be telling the characters that they made a stupid choice. They might make the wrong choice, but at least it would be an intelligent one. That's what I find scary, making a good choice that ends up being the wrong choice anyway because the bad guy is one step ahead of you. Night of the Creeps has some badass characters who know how to kick ass. Did you notice the guy who ran the armory was the same guy who ran the gun shop in the Terminator and met pretty much the same fate. Anyway, if the Nocent could be half as cool as Night of the Creeps, I will be happy.

The Nocent In Space

2011-02-18T14:09:00.000-08:00

You ever notice how, when a series has gone on for a while they either end up in New York (or some other big city) or in space? Leprechaun in Space, Hellraiser in Space, Jason Takes Manhattan, Muppets Take Manhattan, Jason X (in space), Star Trek 4 (in San Francisco, I think), Babe: Pig In The City, Muppets in Space. I wonder why that is? I'm sure you can think of dozens of other examples of this phenomenon. This was just what I could come up with on the top of my head.
Anyway, I was watching a documentary called, 'His Name Was Jason' on Netflix and something struck me as an interesting (to me anyway) point. The original Friday the 13th movie is almost the exact opposite story from Alfred Hitchcock's 'Psycho'. In one, you have a son who channels his dead mother and kills people. In the other, you have a mother who channels her dead son and kills people. This point has probably been made a million times before, but it hit me for the first time today.