The Cashier Experience

  You know, I think I've figured out the answer to the age-old question of what came first, the chicken or the egg?  It was probably the rooster (if the chicken even got to come at all).  I was just in the head and every stall was full.  It was like I was playing a losing hand of Poker.  They had a full house and I was hoping for a flush.  Since there are both military personnel and civilians working in this building, there's a sign in the head that says, "Do not discuss confidential information in this space."  Basically, it means 'don't talk about shit while you're taking a shit or you'll be in deep shit.'
  I wanted to talk about my time as a Petsmart cashier.  If you're a cashier, you might have someone accidentally give you a silver dollar, thinking it's a quarter.  You might acquire an entire set of those flawed Wisconsin quarters that are worth a lot on eBay.  You might have an old lady give you cans of government peaches in gratitude for helping her put her 50 pound bag of dog food in her car.  You might bump into Art Alexakis of the band, Everclear.  You might have a conversation with the actress, Mika Boorem.  You might get four 100% scores in a row from mystery shoppers.  You might have a lady tell you that "God has a plan for your life, or in your case, Buddha."  The best part is getting free training for your dog (not that it made a damn bit of difference, but I love him anyway!).
  Well, I gotta go.  Somewhere out there, there's a leg and a thigh with my name on it (get your mind out of the gutter, I'm talking about fried chicken!).

The Nocent part 5

  The other day I was at work, mopping the floor at the end of the day.  When I was done, I dumped the water from the bucket.  I had forgotten to squeeze the mop out of as much water as possible so it could dry over night.  I didn't want to have to empty the bucket again so I detached the wringer and placed it in the sink.  I put the mop in the wringer expecting an easy time of it.  What I didn't take into account is the pressure required to wring out a mop.  I found out the hard way that a sink isn't designed to accommodate a wringer's specific requirements.  I think I knocked the faucet about half an inch to the left.  I thought to myself, "Paul, if you can successfully think of a dumber way to do this, I won't be forced to smack you upside the head."  Yeah, no I couldn't think of a dumber way.  Oh yeah, but about the Nocent:
  I was sifting through my folder of short stories and I realized that several of them relate in some way to characters from the Nocent.  I went through every story and found the ones that would take place before the Nocent novels and the ones that take place after.  Since I already have a collection of short stories as a prequel to the Nocent trilogy, it was just a matter of adding more stories to it.  It was at that point that I decided to make a fifth book.  I don't have a title for it yet, but there are six stories already to be included in it!  Oh, baby oh, baby oh, baby.  You know, if fried chicken grew on trees, I would say that God's Chinese.