Friday, August 2, 2013

Separation Anxiety

  Lately I've been feeling very depressed and lonely, but I've figured out some things about myself that give me a light at the end of the tunnel.  As I may have mentioned before, I've recently been re-reading the 'Conversations With God' trilogy by Neale Donald Walsch.  I've also started re-reading his book, 'Friendship With God'  From, I've picked up 'Mindfulness In Plain English' by Bhante Gunaratana and 'Stardust Dancing' by Paul Tobolowsky M.D.
  Neale is always talking about how we as humans are all one with each other, with God and with the universe.  The mindfulness book is about meditation and also talks about understanding your oneness with the universe.  Dr. Tobolowsky's (the brother of actor, Stephen) book talks about the miracle of life through the eyes of science.  It explains all the various elements and proper conditions that had to come together with the right timing to create humanity and other life on Earth.  All this leads me to an understanding that I am never alone.
  This loneliness I've been feeling lately is just an amplification of the loneliness I've felt all my life.  I've been living in the illusion of separation.  This has caused me to feel unwhole all my life.  The little red squiggly line under the word unwhole tells me that it's not really a word, but it perfectly describes how I feel.  My prayers have brought me to the realization that once I come to a place deep within myself in which I feel to the core of me that I am one with everything, all my problems will simply melt away and disappear.
  I guess that I keep separating myself from not only those around me, but the process of growth that I am in the middle of.  We are now in one of an infinite manifestations of perfection.  Awareness of this brings joy.  My separation from people causes me to victimize myself to them all the time.  If I lived as if I was the person in front of me, how could I victimize myself to him or her?  I am the cause of everything that is happening to me.  Reacting as a victim to it only shows my ignorance of my true power.  I am the author of my life.  The other day, I saw a series of parked trucks that had the word, "Extreme" painted on them.  They were parked in such a way that all I could see was "me, me, me".  I realized from that vision that in my separation, I am being very selfish in thinking of only myself in the way I do things.  Once I feel at one with everyone, then my concept of myself will have changed to where I will be thinking of everyone's needs all the time.  I've always looked to someone else to give me knowledge, wisdom, etc.  Knowing that I am everybody will make me see that only I can give myself wisdom.  All I will ever have is what I give to myself and that is all I've ever needed.

1 comment:

  1. Paul, both you and your wife should follow Davida Taurek's water rebirthing method as you see it at the 44:30 mark in the video. It is a healing and liberating experience that once done, you'll never even feel as if you had this life long problem. I used to line my walls with inspiration books too as most people do. They become realized as truth once we do this pretreatment and then those beautifully written words make all the sense in the world:)