Being alone as I am right now, I'm really starting to see the sad reality of the life I have built for myself. I've turned away all my friends and family. No one has time for me or wants to hang out with me. For all I know, this is how it's always been, I just lived under the illusion that all the people I know through work, school, Facebook, etc. were actual friends. When I look at the pattern of my life, whenever I stopped being involved in whatever job, school or organization, I also stopped being involved with the people I knew from there. I don't keep friends, which means I don't make real friends, which means that I am not a true friend to anybody. I'm so lonely right now, but I get the feeling that if I was living in reality all my life, I would have been lonely all my life. I don't build beautiful things. All the tweeting, facebooking and blogging I do does not change that. I'm facing the desolation of my soul. At least there's nowhere to go from here but up.
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