New Chinese Proverbs

  I just unleashed my New Chinese Proverbs into the world on Zombie Genesis.  I wrote those back when I was in college.  I'm actually really proud of them.  A lot of them have been incorporated into stories I've written, including my first novel, the Nocent.  The song 'Proverbs' by Chief Loh (available to listen to at reverbnation.com/chiefloh) contains several of them.
  As you can tell, I had a lot of time on my hands in college.  I was bored a lot.  These are just my little observations of the world around me.  Confucius is probably turning in his grave saying, "You can't put that in a cookie!"  Buddha's hanging out in Nirvana shaking his fist like the Three Stooges saying, "Why I oughtta!"  Mohammad is all like, "How many arms do you have, hmm?"  Jesus just wants to make sure I stay away from the Kool-Aid.

Pastry Deities

  Why is the Virgin Mary always showing up on tortillas?  That's great for reaching out to the lost of the world who eat tortillas.  I know occasionally Jesus shows up on taco shells and tortillas too.  So those of Latino or Hispanic origins are covered.  Over in the Mediterranean area, what about showing up on some pitas?  Or if you want to catch people while they're young, show up on some zwieback.  Mary could make a killing appearing on ham sammiches, unless, of course, she wants to reach Japan (by now I've probably lost the entire Japanese ham sammich demographic).
  What if the other deities got in on the pastry circuit?  You could have Vishnu on a marble rye.  I'd love to see the Buddha on a bagel or something.  Mohammad, Siva, Eck and Azna could all get in on the action.  Now there's the little potential problem of recognizability.  I mean, I wouldn't know Hermes from Adam.  Zeus yeah, everybody knows Zeus, but what about Poseidon?  If I saw him on a tater chip, I'd probably just dip him in some ranch and munch away.  Maybe that is what's going on all over the world.  People are eating up all the gods.  Oh yeah, what about those poor lost souls on the Adkin's diet?  Are there any diet deities?  A flatbread sammich would make a nice backdrop for the Unmoved Mover.  I sure could go for some proselytizing pastrami right now.
  On a side note, it occurs to me as hilariously humorous that in the French version of the Bible when Jesus was on the mountainside and fed 5,000 people with a couple loaves of bread and a few fish, it translates into pain (bread) and poisson (fish).  Sounds like he pulled a Jim Jones on them.  At least he didn't turn the water into Kool-Aid.

Good Friday Killer

  This is a killer who shows up in quite a few of my stories.  He started out as a character in the Nocent series, named Daniel Reese.  Giving Daniel a background was the fun part.  I had to give him a history that involved the Varson brothers, as well as a motive for killing.  In a future blog I will go into detail about his connection to the Varsons, but this is about him.
  I don't know where it was that I read that pigs are good swimmers, but that got me thinking.  In the Bible, when Jesus transferred Legion out of the man and into the herd of 2,000 pigs, they all ran down a hill and into some water and supposedly drowned.  Well, if they were such good swimmers, why the heck would they drown like that?  What if, after Jesus left, the owner of the herd went down to see his pigs and became possessed by Legion?
  Okay, well, since Legion was in a whole herd of 2,000 pigs, it would only be one of the demons who actually possessed the pigherder.  It might then become his obsession to regain the full company of his Legion of demons.  My idea is that he killed his first victim the day Jesus was crucified.  Then, every year on the anniversary of that day, he killed one more person.  Once he reached two thousand, he would be at his full strength.  Supposing that Jesus was around 33 when he was crucified, that would make it about 2033 when Legion was able to be his worst.  Anyway, that's my story and I'm stickin to it.