Friday, May 20, 2011

Dying Words

  A huge part of my problem is that I haven't taken control of my own life.  I allow the actions or words of others to determine my mood or well being.  Kayla says that I need to build my own world and my own happiness. It's no mistake in my eyes that I just saw a guest on the Oprah Winfrey show that had muscular dystrophy, but managed to "play after every storm".  He made the most of his life and inspired many to do the same.  His name is Mattie Stepanek.  He lost his battle with MD almost seven years ago.  His final words were, "Inhale on purpose.  Don't simply breathe to survive."
  Everything I do is simply to survive.  Corey Taylor in a Stone Sour song said, "You can survive or you can die. Either way you lose."  Kayla is alive when she's drumming.  There are so many things she does that make her happy.  I wait for things to come to me.  When they do come I don't appreciate them because I didn't work for them.  If I worked for my happiness, I would appreciate the joys in life.  When I'm manic or depressed, the good things in life would not fly out the window, overshadowed by the downers.  Kayla points out that I have peaks and valleys, but too often I only focus on the valleys.
  One thing I know makes me happy is writing.  I know that when I'm angry or when I'm sad, I need to remember my writing and I need to write.  You, my loyal readers participate in my healing, just as I hope my writing can help you to find healing in your lives.  In the toughest times in my life, you've been there for me like Kayla.  I can't forget those peaks.  I do appreciate you like I appreciate my wife.  Please feel free to share with me your peaks and valleys.

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