Thursday, March 3, 2011

Rooting Out The Lows

  All this was at the subconscious level, but growing up I always noticed how different I was from everyone else. I always had the Korean way hammered into me, in which there are no individual opinions.  If you're Korean, there are certain things you're supposed to like and dislike.  For instance, Korean pears.  You just have to like Korean pears.  They will feed them to you no matter what because they can't conceive of anybody not liking them.  If you tell them you don't the only thing they can think of is that you must have had a bad one.  You must keep eating them until you find one you like, but it doesn't matter if you never do because you're the problem, not the pears.
  All those differences made me feel as if I weren't normal.  If a song came on that I didn't like, but it was popular, I was just supposed to listen to it because it's popular.  No wonder I had such a low self esteem growing up.  Add to that the fact that when I would move around because of my dad, none of my friends would ever even try to keep in touch with me.
  It's only been since I met Kayla that I've started to root out the sources of my deep inner emotional turmoil. I'm finally getting to a place where I'm beginning to heal a little bit.  Also, yesterday my psychiatrist gave me a prescription for Depakote which is a mood stabilizer.  I'm hoping the road to healthiness will be under foot soon.
  Tomorrow I'll be putting out chapter 20 of the Nocent, which is short but surprising.  Also, tomorrow I'll finish up writing the 5th part of The Greater Number and put that out too.

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