It always seems to me that I get everything backwards. My intentions will try to convey one thing and the exact opposite will occur. My intentions are simple: be healthy and provide happiness and health for my family. Kayla says that everything I've done has shown her that I'm pushing her away and that she's nothing to me. Confucius said, "Mourn not that ye are not known. Mourn that ye know not men." I think that I've lived a life complaining that no one understands me. Maybe my problem this whole time is that I've never taken the time or care to understand others.
Last night, Kayla called and we were both understandably emotional. She had stated before she left that she would be open to attempting a relationship once I've gotten to a more healthy place in my life. She said on the phone that she didn't want to feel obligated to get back with me at a later time. I told her that it wasn't an obligation to get back with me, but just a desire for her to be open to conversations and possibly dates so that we can re-establish a connection. I told her that right now, it may only be selfish reasons that I want her and not love because of all the issues I have to deal with. I probably don't even know what true love is. I said that once I'm healthy, we may end up just being friends.
Hours later, she called back saying she's been nauseated and broken up since I said that about just being friends. She said I should have no reason not to love her and want to be with her. Again, my stupid mouth went and said something that conveyed the exact opposite of what I intended. I was trying to comfort her and tell her that she is in no way under any obligation to have to spend the rest of her life with someone with whom she can find no peace, harmony and balance. Instead, she took from it that I don't want anything but a friendship with her. She knows how I usually need time to think of how to phrase things appropriately, but she needed comfort right then and I failed to give it to her. Not only did I fail, I made it worse. She said she'll never hurry me again.
I texted her and told her that it's understandable that she would need comfort right now and that I'm sorry I'm not even healthy enough to do that much for her. I said that me trying to comfort her right now would be like an epileptic trying to lead a blind person. He might jerk them around and risk hurting them. I told her that I love her enough to not risk that again at this time. Please, all of you out there, pray for her to feel comforted in her times of turmoil. If you can, please leave encouraging comments on her blog. She needs friends right now and, try as I might, I'm not being very successful at being that for her.
Last night, Kayla called and we were both understandably emotional. She had stated before she left that she would be open to attempting a relationship once I've gotten to a more healthy place in my life. She said on the phone that she didn't want to feel obligated to get back with me at a later time. I told her that it wasn't an obligation to get back with me, but just a desire for her to be open to conversations and possibly dates so that we can re-establish a connection. I told her that right now, it may only be selfish reasons that I want her and not love because of all the issues I have to deal with. I probably don't even know what true love is. I said that once I'm healthy, we may end up just being friends.
Hours later, she called back saying she's been nauseated and broken up since I said that about just being friends. She said I should have no reason not to love her and want to be with her. Again, my stupid mouth went and said something that conveyed the exact opposite of what I intended. I was trying to comfort her and tell her that she is in no way under any obligation to have to spend the rest of her life with someone with whom she can find no peace, harmony and balance. Instead, she took from it that I don't want anything but a friendship with her. She knows how I usually need time to think of how to phrase things appropriately, but she needed comfort right then and I failed to give it to her. Not only did I fail, I made it worse. She said she'll never hurry me again.
I texted her and told her that it's understandable that she would need comfort right now and that I'm sorry I'm not even healthy enough to do that much for her. I said that me trying to comfort her right now would be like an epileptic trying to lead a blind person. He might jerk them around and risk hurting them. I told her that I love her enough to not risk that again at this time. Please, all of you out there, pray for her to feel comforted in her times of turmoil. If you can, please leave encouraging comments on her blog. She needs friends right now and, try as I might, I'm not being very successful at being that for her.
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