The Paul Touch

  If you've read my book, 'The Greater Number' at paul-loh.blogspot.com, you probably noticed a bunch of cheesy, corny plays on words and other such nonsense.  These little touches let you know you're really reading something by me.  Whether it's a blog, a song, poem, story or book, I always throw in my eccentric details.  There's also plenty of homages to some of my favorite things in TV, movies, music and literature. Following is a partial list of those from my latest novel.
  Hewlett's last name, "Fen-Chang" is Chinese for grave.  Desmond's last name, "Azabache" means black.  Then there's the terrible groaner, "Helen Hiawatha" (Hell and high water).  "Sierra Dophlet" is an anagram for "praise the Lord".  If you can't figure out Father Mucker, I'll give you a hint: he owns a painting company called Moe Faux.  Enma, Yanluo and Yama are all names for Death or the Grim Reaper in other languages.  As you may know, "Kojira" is the Japanese name for the giant lizard we know here in America as "Godzilla".  I made up the name Liam Moor during a visit to the mail room in the building I used to work at.
  Both "Jasmine" and "Basmati" are, of course, types of rice.  The room number in Code Gray where the Ng family is staying is 4077 like the MASH unit in the TV show.  When I had to come up with a bunch of names for the people on the bus in the Himalayas, I started thinking about chairs.  Therefore, I came up with Miriam Divan, Shirah Couch, Julianne Davenport and Beau Ottoman.  "Clark Lutes" is an anagram for lackluster.  The tour guide is Ling-Yu Fu, which if you take into account the fact that in China, you put the family name first, becomes Fu Ling-Yu (fooling you).
  "I'm hurting in places I'd need three mirrors to see" is a paraphrase of something Steve Urkel said once on 'Family Matters'.  Roger Titian's wife is named Paula (politician).  Ashland, Oregon is where one of our favorite authors, Neale Donald Walsch lives.  This zombie apocalypse doubles as a holy war being led by the monk, "Hadji", which is an anagram for "jihad".  "Japanese Institute of Science and Microbiology" is shortened into JISM, which I don't want to have to explain to you.  "Hiranaka Ansadora" sounds a little like "hear a knock, answer door".
  The story of Kojira and Shavonte is taken straight from the Chris Farley movie, 'Tommy Boy' so it's no surprise that Shavonte gives Kojira the nickname, "Tatami (a Japanese table) Boy".  There's a chapter in which a group of survivors is stuck in the Himalayas, surrounded by zombies and out of food.  I called this chapter "Alive Again" which is a tribute to the movie 'Alive' which is about a group of survivors stuck in the Andes with no food.  Both groups struggled with the moral dilemma of cannibalism.  Both "Oregon Entrails" and "Organ Trail" are in the fond memory of a computer game I used to play in the classroom in the 4th Grade called the "Oregon Trail".
  "Cyril" is the name of a church not too far from where I live.  "Edger Holts" is an anagram for two of the deadly sins: Greed and Sloth.  "Love is all good people need" is a quote from a Mother Love Bone song, appropriately titled, 'This Is ShangriLa".  "Great googully moogully" is from a Frank Zappa song.  A line about a phone booth looking bigger on the inside than it does on the outside is a tribute to 'Dr. Who'.  There are lots of bits that I got from books by Jonathan Maberry and Sylvia Browne.  There's a line about Sasquatch pulling zombie arms out of sockets, which is a tribute to Chewbacca from Star Wars.

Yo No Soy Un Zombie

  On Twitter I follow the progress of the new remake of Night of the Living Dead.  They tweeted that they're looking for 30 people to play ghouls in a teaser trailer.  I sent them a message expressing interest and I also friend requested the director.  He accepted my friend request and told me that if I'm up for a drive to Virginia that he'll put me on the ghoul list.  Insert sound of screeching tires or needle being pulled off a record here.  Unfortunately, our car's AC hasn't been working and our radiator has been leaking coolant.
  What that translates into is that I won't be able to appear as a ghoul in their production.  I had to send him a message on Facebook telling him that I can't do it.  Imagine Charlie Brown with his face to the sky crying out, "Arrrgh!!"  That was me.  My mind has been scrambling around thinking about cheap flights, Greyhound buses, rental cars or anything that can get me there.  Right now we're just not in a place financially to be able to afford any of that.  If they could just relocate the shoot to California, I could probably manage that.  Oh well.

Little White Dog

  Ever since we moved into this new place, both Kayla and I have been seeing what looks like a small white dog around the house.  I've seen him by our dog's food bowl.  We've both seen him in the living room.  I've seen him in the bathroom.  We often see him in our bedroom.
  Lately, this dog has been manifesting more physically.  Yesterday he brushed against my leg while I was sitting on our couch.  I saw him at the same time I was feeling him.  Our dog was curled up asleep next to me.  This morning, he startled me by scratching at the side of the bed.  Again, our dog was curled up next to me.  We don't mind this dog's company.  We just wonder if this is a dog we've known from our past like my childhood dog, Toga or if it's a dog that came with the house.

Reaching A Bigger Audience!

  I just overheard my wife having a telephone conversation with a friend of ours and it sparked an idea for a sequel to 'The Greater Number'.  I don't want to ruin it because I want you to be able to experience it for the first time as you read it.  I'll just tell you that it puts a new twist in the mythos from the first book.  It's an exciting direction for the story to go so I can't wait to see where the story goes.
  On Twitter yesterday, NE_Spirit_Society, one of the people I'm following, was asking for any recommendations for some books for some summer reading.  I relied to his tweet with 'The Greater Number' at paul-loh.blogspot.com and 'The Nocent' at thenocent.blogspot.com.  He retweeted my message to 1289 of his followers!  My reply to him had links to both sites so now I could potentially be reaching almost 1300 new readers!  I really appreciate this person for that!

Love And Approval

  Someone on 'Dr. Phil' said that they don't need their parent's approval, just their love.  Ever since seeing that episode, I've been thinking about the difference.  Last night on Netflix we watched 'Nobody's Child' in which someone was brought to a mental institution.  Throughout the movie, the scene would flash between flashbacks of bad memories from her childhood and what was going on with her in the present.  It was sharply contrasting her reality with everyone else's reality.  She would react, often violently, to imagined threats just because they reminded her of her past.  She was always waiting for her mother to come pick her up from the institution and she always saw herself as a little child.
  At the end of the movie, the character had become so strong in herself that she saw the little girl for the last time.  Instead of waiting for her mother, she gives the girl a warm, loving embrace.  After a while, the little girl disappears leaving only a strong woman.  She has chosen to love herself, no longer needing the approval of her mother.
  I think that often, my mistake has been that I have mistaken love for approval and vice-versa.  My parents have never approved of my life choices, but they have loved me.  I, of course, do approve of my life choices, but I don't think I have ever truly loved myself.  In my twisted way, I've made it my reality that they don't love me and that I do love myself.  For their lack of approval, I've turned away their love, leaving myself with only an emptiness borne of a loveless existence.  If not for having met Kayla, I could have gone through my whole life not knowing love.  The problem is that she both loves me and approves of my lifestyle.  So I've been able to keep my delusions of love and approval being the same thing.  I'm still that little boy wanting my parent's approval.  I need to give that little boy a great big, warm, loving embrace.

It's Coming True!

  As we speak, I'm watching the TV show, 'Sunday Morning' on CBS.  They're running a piece on the booming fried chicken business in China!  KFC is such a thriving phenomenon that a new one is opening up in China every 18 hours!  Kayla says we should send our son there where he'd definitely be able to get a job.  Gosh, the Chinese really do love their fried chicken.  A guy over there even wrote a book about it called, 'KFC In China'. When I saw that piece on CBS, I was so excited, I had to turn on the computer to shoot out a blog about it.
  When I was in the Navy, there was a cafeteria in the building I worked in.  I didn't always have a lot of cash on me, but a chicken thigh was just about a buck so I'd often have that for lunch.  People around the office got used to seeing me noshing on a piece of fried chicken.  When I was on my way to the cafeteria they'd ask me if I was about to get some more chicken.  I started to joke about, "Well, you know the Chinese and their fried chicken." One day one of my coworkers repeated that line when someone else asked about me and my chicken.  I told them that I had started my own stereotype.  Now it's not just a stereotype, it's a verified fact.  Of course, the Barenaked Ladies had their song 'One Week' in which is the line, "Chickity China, the Chinese chicken / Have a drumstick and your brain stops ticking."

It Came From Beneath The Sea

  The other day, there was a cheesy 50's creature feature involving a radioactive mutant octopus attacking a submarine.  I watched the first ten minutes or so just to see if they got anything right about life on a submarine.  First off, the sub was in the middle of the ocean and it still had its lifeline up.  Life lines are used to keep the crew from falling into the water when walking topside on the sub.  When the sub pulls up along side the pier, the crew erects stanchions in holes along the side of the sub.  A rope is threaded through holes in the stanchions creating a fence of sorts.  Anyway, it is dismantled before we pull away from the pier.
  The reasons to not have the life line up are many.  For one, it could get snagged on things in the water.  Because everyone on board the sub is inside once we've deployed, it is also unnecessary as a safety mechanism. It would create drag in the water.  One of the most important reasons to take it down is that it would create noise in the water.  Being a sonar technician, I know that any irregularities on the surface of the sub can create noise and if we can hear it, the enemy can hear it.
  For another thing, nobody in the crew was wearing coveralls.  Coveralls are worn for the ease of putting them on among other reasons.  During emergencies, we need to be able to dress quickly.  Also, the dialog did not sound military in any way.  There were no repeat backs, which are used to ensure the accuracy of the communication of messages back and forth.
  One of the most fun things about deploying was when we had to test how seaworthy the sub was.  This involved tipping the sub up and down at various angles to see if we would develop any leaks.  It's called "Angles and Dangles".  First thing that happens is everybody secures every item on board the sub.  Anything that can slide, fall, slip or move is tied down, put into a drawer or otherwise kept from being destroyed.  Then the fun begins.  The angles we must take are extreme so people have fun sliding down passageways, especially in the missile compartment where berthing is.  Invariably, someone will have forgotten to secure some item and it will go crashing or sliding into something.  I loved standing in one place and leaning against the tilt like Michael Jackson in the 'Smooth Criminal' video. When I was in that crazy angle, I would air guitar while jamming to my mp3.
  On a sub, the fresh food always runs out after the first few weeks.  After that, it's mostly stuff that's frozen, boxed, canned or bottled.  We get fed four times a day, every six hours.  The fourth meal is called midnight rations or "mid rats".  It usually consists of either leftovers from dinner or something simple for the CS's (Culinary Specialists) to cook like chicken nuggets.  They often put out a bowl of mixed nuts out.  Of course, some asshole always picks out all the Brazil nuts, which are my favorites.
  Another thing, understandably, there's little or no cell phone reception on a sub.  The only exceptions to this are if you're standing near an LET.  On a SSBN or "boomer" sub, there are three LET's, which are the openings through which you board the submarine.  When you're on the sub and near the LET, you can get some cell phone coverage.  Fortunately, the sonar room is right by the Forward LET so I can sometimes get reception in sonar while we're by the pier.
  One more favorite thing of mine on a sub was what they call the "steel beach".  Very rarely, we would surface while we're out in the middle of the ocean.  With special permission from the captain, we might be allowed to go out topside on the sub and look at the ocean with nothing but water as far as the eye can see in all directions.

Remember Sammy Jenkis

  Kayla and I watched 'Great Balls of Fire' about Jerry Lee Lewis, on Netflix just now.  I knew that Dennis Quaid was in the movie, but when I saw in the beginning credits that Stephen Tobolowsky was gonna be in it, I was a lot more interested.  He's one of my favorite character actors.
  When you think about it, most lead characters in movies don't have a very memorable last name.  I can't think of many movies where I even know the lead character's last name.  Keeping this in mind, when I examine the career of Stephen Tobolowsky, I can't think of any lead characters he's played.  He's only played minor supporting characters as far as I recall.  Despite this, I can think of two characters off the top of my head that he has played who have memorable last names.
  If you've ever seen the movie, 'Memento', you might remember the tattoo that says, "Remember Sammy Jenkis."  It is integral to the plot of the movie.  The guy who plays Sammy Jenkis is none other than our old buddy old pal, Stephen.  Again, in 'Groundhog Day', there is a character who is an old classmate of Bill Murray's.  "Ned Ryerson.  Needle-Nosed Ned, Ned the Head."  I'm betting you can guess who plays him.
  Anyway, I made my famous Pesto Alfredo sauce for dinner of noodles tonight.  Kayla cooked the noodles and some Texas Toast.  Good stuff, baby!

REC

  Yesterday, Kayla noticed that our turtle, Speedy, was getting dry skin.  We decided to immerse him in a small container with an inch of water at the bottom.  One of his eyes had dried shut and that was alarming, but he was eventually able to open it.  As soon as I put him in the water, he came out of his shell and just basked in the coolness of it all.  He drank some and got some up his nose.  He kept blowing out water from his nostrils.  His snot caused snot bubbles which were so cute.  He allowed me to pet him and Kayla got the camera to take some footage of that.  After a while, he farted, pooped, then farted again.  He soon grew tired of the water and climbed out, but it was good to see him enjoy the water and moisturize his skin.
  We just got the foreign zombie movie 'REC' in the mail from Netflix today.  I didn't know what to expect because we had rented the American remake 'Quarantine' from Blockbuster when it first came out and were dismally disappointed in it.  It turns out that the original was far superior in almost every aspect.  Honestly, it one of the scariest movies I've ever seen and the scariest zombie movie I've ever seen!  We were amazed at just how creepy it was at certain points and they didn't just give you the usual cheap startles that a lot of horror flicks use as a substitute for genuine suspense and terror.
  The only thing I remember from the remake was a scene where a zombie falls down the center of a stairwell, hitting her head on the way down and landing heavily on the floor all in one continuous shot.  That was quite a technically challenging shot I'm betting and it was spectacular, but that was pretty much all that movie had going for it.  This movie had good acting, mostly non-stupid characters, real thrills without losing the gore factor and lots of exciting action.  I highly recommend it.

Klinefelter's Syndrome

  My wife and I were watching one of those murder investigation TV shows and there was a case of two brothers who killed an old man.  The older brother was in a wheelchair and the other brother was developmentally challenged.  The older brother got 100 years without possibility of parole while the other brother eventually became free.
  The circumstance of his case is that the younger brother was diagnosed with Klinefelter's Syndrome aka 47 or XXY.  This is a syndrome that affects men who have an extra X chromosome.  One of the symptoms is that you are highly suggestible.  His defense attorney put forth that the younger brother was medically inclined to do as his brother said.  This made enough of a case for there to be no culpability on the part of the younger brother.
  After watching that episode, I looked up Klinefelter's syndrome on wikipedia.  Kayla and I were surprised by how many of the symptoms fit patterns in my own life.  Lanky build, slow mental development, slow development of motor skills, suggestibility, forgetfulness and being in touch with my feminine side.  I mean, I've never thought I was gay, but I have always enjoyed the arts, music and nature while not being interested in things like sports, cars, tools, etc.
  I've got an appointment with a psychiatrist that has been provided to me by the VA.  I will ask to be tested for this.  I think that this may be why the Depakote may not be working as well as it did when I started taking it.  The treatment for Klinefelter's is testosterone therapy.  The younger brother in that TV show underwent that therapy and became a lot more mentally competent.  If there's even a chance of that for me, I would love to give it a shot.  If I am diagnosed with Klinefelter's Syndrome, I will humbly become a spokesperson to bring about awareness of this affliction.  It affects 1 in every 650 men, yet somehow I've never heard of it.  People need to know that there is help out there and they're not alone.
  When I think about it, I think the song 'Nothing As It Seems' by Pearl Jam from their album, 'Binaural' is about a man who has Klinefelter's Syndrome.  The man can't connect with the world in the ways that he wants to and lives a lonely life.  It contains the line, "One uninvited chromosome, a blanket like the ozone".  Give it a listen and judge for yourself if you like.

The Nidus Initiative

  Kayla and I ordered a night-vision camcorder to aid us in our paranormal investigations.  It came in the mail the other day, but the only problem is that the infrared LEDs make the image cloudy and difficult to see.  We're gonna call their technical support hotline to see what we can do about that.  We may end up having to send it back for a replacement.
  I woke up one morning a couple weeks ago with a concept for a new zombie story.  I figured since I was so close to completing 'The Greater Number' that I would start putting it out online chapter by chapter as I write it. As you can tell, it's called 'The Nidus Initiative'.
  I don't want to ruin the story for you, but I have a brand new concept for the assailants.  In 'The Nocent' they were brought about by an alien virus called the 'Scathing'.  In 'The Greater Number' they were brought about by a prion disease and they were distinctive in that they behaved like a wolf pack with an alpha and that they knew the living from the dead by the smell of fear.  The twist for 'The Nidus Initiative' is even more innovative and intriguing.  Once I've put out a chapter or two, I'll share with you my inspirations that led to this new breed of assailant.  That's all I'll say for now.

Boy Was That Embarrassing!

  I did it!  If you've been following me on Twitter, Facebook or paul-loh.blogspot.com, you'd know that I wrote six chapters of 'The Greater Number' to finish it today.  I sent it off via email to Sinister Press.  Of course, if you look at the title of this blog, you'll notice that all didn't go smoothly.
  Here's what happened.  I was fixing myself something to eat after I submitted my manuscript when something occurred to me.  I had the main bad guy, Hadji just kinda slip off into the background during the last chapter.  I forgot to write anything about what happened to him.  Oops!
  I went back to the blog.  Eight people had already read it, but worse, I had sent the flawed copy to the publishing company.  Yikes!  I wrote a scene depicting what I hope to be an appropriate conclusion to his reign of terror.  I fixed the blog and then logged on to Yahoo and wrote an apology to the publishers and uploaded the amended copy of the manuscript.
  If this book really does get published, that'll be one heck of a story to tell the grand kids.  "Grandpa sent the book off to the publishers without an end.  Now how about some ice cream?"

Marathon Writing Session

  Ok, so you know I told you Sinister Press is interested in my book, 'The Greater Number'.  They would love for me to send them the manuscript.  Well, if you've been following that book at paul-loh.blogspot.com, you'll know that I still have six chapters left to write!  I emailed them and told them that I'm busy this weekend and that I'll send them the manuscript on Monday.  I'm not exactly lying because I'll be busy writing the last six chapters of the book!  I already have it all mapped out with what is going to happen in each chapter, so it's just a matter of fleshing it out, editing, proofreading, etc.
  This is potentially one of the biggest breaks I've ever gotten in my life, except when Kayla accepted my marriage proposal.  I am determined not to sacrifice quality for timeliness.  I have a very clear picture of where this story is going.  Remember that this book started out as a short story that I wrote when I woke up from a dream.  As I kept writing, things just started to fall into place and I found the voice of the story.  It took on a life of its own.  It may have started out as a dream, but it could become a dream come true!

Sinister Press

  My wife and I have a movie called 'All Good Things' in our instant queue on Netflix.  I told her, "I'll bet you it's nothing like 'The Neverending Story' because 'All Good Things' must come to an end."  Years ago, when that John Travolta/Nicolas Cage movie, 'Face Off' came out, I was quite disappointed.  After a while, a movie called 'Switch Back' came out and I never watched it because I thought it was the sequel to 'Face Off'.
  Anyway, I just logged on to our Yahoo account and noticed that we got an email from a representative of Sinister Press.  It's a book publishing company.  I had submitted a copy of my short story, 'Alive Again' for their consideration.  It seems as if they liked it.  They said it took a while to get back to me because they got a lot of submissions, but that mine stood out!  I've never been one to struggle with incontinence problems and that fact saved our computer chair from needing to be steam cleaned when I read that email.
  If I get my book published, I really owe a lot of gratitude to my wife and family, God, myself (I guess), and all of my readers out there.  I emailed him back and now it's just a matter of waiting for his reply.

They Won't Leave Us Alone!

  The other day, when I was trying to edit together that paranormal activity video on Windows Movie Maker, the program completely froze up.  Everything else on the computer worked just fine.  I could get on the Internet, do a malware scan, a disk cleanup, even play Spider Solitaire, but the movie maker would not respond or even close down.  I had to restart the computer.  After that, the movie maker worked just fine and I finished editing the movie.  I put it out on YouTube, Facebook, Twitter and MySpace.  Was this a spiritual attack?

  We did think a spirit was trying to keep us from completing that video, but then we started noticing something else.  We could watch most things just fine on Netflix, except 'Ghost Adventures'.  Any time we try to watch an episode, there will be constant pauses and other problems.  The Silverlight plug-in will screw up, Netflix will become unresponsive, there would be no buffer building up or we would somehow just lose our Internet connection.  It never does any of that when we're watching anything else.  Kayla was so flabbergasted that she decided to snap a picture of me interacting with the laptop and she caught an orb!
  I thought that this was connected to the electronic problems during the editing of the video, but we wanted to investigate further.  Kayla called a friend of ours who also has Netflix.  Her friend told us that lots of things she tries to watch on Netflix will have a few problems within the first ten minutes or so, but that it would clear up.  Perhaps it just seemed to be so bad with the show is that 10 minutes out of 42 is a greater percent than out of a 1hr, 30min movie.  It seemed to make sense, but I had a theory that if we tried to watch an episode of a different TV show, we wouldn't have a single problem.  To test my theory, I decided to run a little experiment.   I put on 'My So-Called Life' and there was not a glitch to be seen.

I Got Mad Skills

  Back in high school I took place in a talent show.  There were nineteen contestants.  There were three different categories of performance with six places each of winners and runners up.  Three times six equals eighteen winners.  I was the one person who got nothing for my poetry reading.  I got mad skills.
  Once, when I lived in El Paso, Texas, I travelled all the way to New Mexico somewhere for a Regionals competition for several activities.  I did a clay sculpture for the art competition, played ping pong and participated in a spelling bee.  The sculpture got 8th place.  I didn't even place in the ping pong.  The spelling bee was more like a bumble bee, earning me absolute last place.  I got mad skills.
  Once, when I was in high school in Seoul, Korea, I put together a science project that involved playing various styles of music to common household plants.  I conducted the experiment, did my research and wrote up everything into a comprehensive report complete with charts, diagrams, bibliography, etc.  I spent months on the project so that I could participate in my high school's annual science symposium which takes place in Tsukuba, Japan.  I was told my project wasn't very scientific so I couldn't go.  I got mad skills.

More Stupid Commercials

  Right now, I'm in the middle of editing together a short video of various EVPs, orbs and unexplainable mists that Kayla has caught on film in our house.  The spooky thing is that the computer froze up while I was editing.  The Internet is still working, luckily.  That's how I'm able to be blogging this.  I'm hoping that once I get off the Internet, Windows Movie Maker will have started working again.  Perhaps the spirits don't want me to complete this project because I plan to publish it on MySpace, Facebook and YouTube.  I'm also planning to upload it to the Paranormal Challenge website so that they can consider us for their show.
  Anyway, I wanted to mention a couple other stupid commercials I remember seeing on TV.  There was a Proactiv commercial in which a boy testifies, "I put the cream on my face before I go to sleep and when I get up in the morning, you don't have acne."  When I hear that I think, "Wow, thanks, man!"  If that's the case, why do I even need to buy the product?
  There's a similar statement made by none other than Betty White herself.  She says, "1-800-Petmeds is quick, easy, saves you money and I save a trip to the vet."  When I hear that I think, "Thanks anyway, Betty.  It's the thought that counts.

The Movie Hero

  We were watching the pilot episode of 'My So-Called Life' on Netflix when the song 'Everybody Hurts' by REM came on.  It made both of us cry immediately because we both had cried years ago when we first heard it.  My reason for crying was that my mother was suicidal at the time and I bought the album for her so that I could let her hear that song.  Little things like that remind me that I do love my blood relatives.
  After that, we watched a movie called 'The Movie Hero'.  As silly as it is at times, it makes a very good point. We are each other's audiences and we are our own audiences.  We can choose to be the hero or the villain in our movie.  Kayla brought up a very good point that it is like what God said in 'Conversations With God' by Neale Donald Walsch.  We are all experiencing life for God.  Every tragedy and triumph is God's and our own. We are all God's eyes, hands, etc.  Good shit, man.

Ghost Adventures

  The Travel Channel has lots of great programming like 'Bizarre Foods' with Andrew Zimmern and 'Man vs. Food', but our favorite is 'Ghost Adventures' with Aaron, Zak and Nick.  Aaron is my favorite ghost hunter because he's the one that always gets stuck by himself and he's the most scared.  It reminds me of Fred from Scooby Doo always sending Scooby and Shaggy off by themselves.  Zak is a nutcase who always has too much caffeine and freaks out about every little thing.  Poor little Nick tries really hard to have a personality.
  I'm following all three of them on Twitter.  I also follow 'Paranormal Challenge' because Kayla and I would love to be contestants on that show some time.  We're very interested in ghost hunting.  We've got a couple friends who are interested as well.  It would be awesome if they would join us to form a team that can appear on that show.  I don't even care if we win or not, it would just be an amazing experience!
  Honestly, I'd also love it if Andrew Zimmern would do something like that where he has people follow him to all those exotic locations and eat the local cuisine.  You know me and food.  There's almost nothing on his show that I either haven't eaten or wouldn't eat.

In God We're Trussed

  Kayla says that I've still got unresolved anger issues and that singing, writing, acting and blogging aren't the answer.  I know that they are things that bring me joy, but there's a much deeper, richer joy to be had by dealing with my issues.  At the moment, these little joys are merely distractions from my issues.
  One of the things I know I struggle with is that I always feel like a victim.  I always feel as if I am innocent and that I don't deserve to suffer.  Back when I used to go to church, there was an example of an innocent person who didn't deserve to suffer.  If I was to believe the hype, he was more innocent than I and suffered more than I do.  That gave me some comfort, but not any more.
  Now, in so many ways, I victimize myself.  Here's a classic example that Kayla brought up: I had a bottle of Chinese Five Spice that was the cheapie brand.  It was too heavy on the cinnamon, perhaps because that was the cheapest of the five spices.  I tried to add other spices to dilute the cinnamon smell and taste, but I only put what would fit into the original container.  There was very little space to work with.  Kayla suggested that I think outside the bottle and put it into a larger container.  Once I did that, I was able to add all kinds of herbs and spices to make it a very flavorful powder that I use to cook with.
  That is what I do with my life.  I keep myself bottled up and I add to my life only what can fit into this limited space.  This blog itself is a spice I'm stuffing into the bottle of my life.  Kayla says that my joy could be boundless if I learned to live outside the bottle.  I can't give up on living a healthy life.

Astral Projection

  One of my favorite Three Fish songs is 'Found A Widow' from their second album, 'The Quiet Table'.  As you may know, Three Fish was the side project of Jeff Ament, the bassist for Pearl Jam.  Anyway, this song is about astral projection.  In this song, the singer can go where he chooses.  I don't have that kind of control.
  Sometimes in dreams I go places that my wife and I believe are real either in this world/dimension or wherever. Since I'm a very lucid dreamer, I'm able to explore my surroundings and experience them with all five of my senses.  As often as possible, I try to find something to eat in those dreams.
  Anyway, right before I woke up this morning I had one of those dreams.  This one was unusual though in that I was interacting with someone.  Normally I'm alone.  I think I jumped into someone else's body like in the Three Fish song.  The dream started with me in a college dorm room.  I was naked.  There was a college girl there.  I had the feeling that I had talked my way into being with her.
  She began to take her clothes off and as she did, she said, "I guess I'm supposed to take my clothes off 'cause that's what they always do."  By this I think she meant that's what she'd seen in movies.  I could tell that the body I had jumped into had been with women willy nilly, but that the girl had had nil willy.  I felt bad for her and I looked her in the eyes and said, "I know that for you, you're not just taking off your clothes, but you're bearing a piece of your soul to me.  But to me, you're just getting naked.  I wish I felt the same way right now that you do.  I wish this was as special to me as it is to you.  You deserve to be with someone who is going to treat you as special as you are."  By this time, she was crying and then I woke up.
  When I woke up, I told the dream to my wife and she said it was sweet what I tried to do for the girl.  I just hope that if she really is out there somewhere, she didn't have sex with that guy and that she'll find someone who loves her.  Someone who will appreciate it when she bears her soul to him.

Napoleon Strolls

  The other day I went to the Cox store to return our old modem.  I thought it was quite humorous that it was right next to a restaurant called Jimmy Johns.  There might as well have been a Dick's Sporting Goods on the other side.  In Georgia, there was a restaurant named Dick's Wings.  When I first heard about it, I thought it was a gay bar.  It wasn't until I saw it spelled out that I realized my mistake.
  Anyway, my wife and I have come up with a new way of referring to walking our dog.  We call it a Napoleon Stroll.  You see, when we say the words 'out', 'go' or 'walk' he always knows what we're talking about.  Even if we spell any of those words he knows.  The other day, when we were walking him, we commented on the fact that he pees on everything we pass.  That marks his territory.  We figure he needs to let every dog know who's boss because he's so small and has a Napoleon complex.
  He's already shown himself to have a rather large vocabulary, as well as some knowledge of spelling.  My guess was that his knowledge of history and psychology terminology are fairly limited so we started calling our walks Napoleon Strolls and so far he seems to have no clue what we're talking about or else he might want to pick that bone apart.

Another Stupid Commercial

  There's this commercial where a lady says, "My pharmacist recommended bubble gum....and patience."  She's talking about flavored medicine for her sick child.  But what I get out of this is: she needs her pharmacist to tell her to be patient with her sick child.  What is this world coming to?
  I'm always getting emails from Borders.com.  They're always telling me about sales and whatnot.  Anyway, I just noticed that they've come out with their own electronic reader, the Kobo.  Barnes & Noble has their Nook and amazon.com has their Kindle.  I guess I'm just confused as to why Borders seems to be struggling with sales more than B&N.  My daughter was just telling me yesterday that B&N never has what she's looking for and she always ends up having to go to Border's for it.  I, myself, have had that problem.
  Oh, I just wanted to help promote the website of some friends of mine that I met on the set of 'To Kill A Memory'.  There was a guy named Gary I met who had his four children be extras.  Their website is www.mylittlehomestead.com.  I've checked it out.  It's kinda cute.  They're a very musical family and there are several videos of them performing music.  At least one of the songs is an original written by them.  Anyway, give it a shot if you like and then you can see them on the big screen when the movie comes out!

White Meat Chicken

  They're showing 'My So Called Life' on cable right now.  That's when I first found admiration for the acting abilities of Claire Danes back in the mid-nineties.  You ever notice how in TV dinners and everything, they always boast about being made with white meat chicken?  I've always found white meat chicken to be too dry and tough and less flavorful than dark meat chicken.  And no, the color has nothing to do with it.  This isn't a metaphor for nothin', I mean this literally.  There's nothing wrong with white people.  Gosh, I should just quit while I'm ahead.
  On the subject of chicken, my kids had gotten me a shirt years ago for Father's Day that says, "This is what the world's greatest Asian dad looks like."  Now I do realize, it doesn't necessarily mean I'm the greatest Asian dad. I just look like him (you know, since we all allegedly look alike).  I'm sure I'm the greatest Asian dad that they have.  That's one of my treasured accomplishments in life.  That and eating dark meat chicken.

What's In Your Fridge?

  We were watching 'Return of the Living Dead' on Netflix the other day.  The guy who's showing the new kid around the job looked familiar to me.  He was Stephen's boss in 'Poltergeist'.  The guy who Stephen yells at near the end of the movie, "You only moved the headstones!  Why?!"  I quote that all the time.  I also like the quote from 'Return' when the new kid makes a disparaging remark about the situation and our man says, "You'll keep your mouth shut if you like your job," to which the new kid shouts, "Like this job?!"
  There's also the classic line when the zombie calls dispatch and says, "Send more paramedics."  Just like Domino's, they deliver.  Speaking of food, in 'Poltergeist', there's that scene where a man gets hungry in the middle of the night and goes to the kitchen to get a snack.  He opens the fridge and pulls out a slab of raw beef and puts it on the counter.  It's not covered with anything.  There's no plate.  It's just a hunk of meat sitting in the fridge and he handles it with his bare hands.  He puts it on a clean counter and doesn't wash his hands.  Instead he handles a chicken wing, which he puts in his mouth.  Boy, those were simpler days.  They didn't worry about germs.  Nowadays, if the e-coli didn't kill you, the salmonella would.

Stupid Commercials

  Once I saw a commercial for a headache medication that said it cures headaches twice as fast.  You had to read the fine print at the bottom of the screen that said 'As opposed to using nothing at all'.  So by those standards, if it takes four hours for my headache to go away au naturale, then it would take two hours for this medicine to work.  Those are some pretty low standards if you ask me.
  There was another commercial that says that 85 % of people don't get enough calcium in their diet.  They go on to say that if you eat their product, you'll get 50 % of your recommended daily allowance of calcium.  Now, what that tells me is that 85 % of people don't eat their product.  If 4 out of every 5 people hate your shit, why the hell should I eat it?
  You know, I try hard not to be a name dropping groupie on this blog.  I know I've told you a few names.  Well, this time, the person shall remain anonymous, but I'm just so excited.  I put in a friend request on Facebook and was surprised as hell when she accepted.  I've admired her work since the early nineties.  I'm honored that she added us.  Any connections could help us with our dreams.

Decision Making

  I think one of the biggest flaws in my decision making process is that I don't leave room for human error. I make plans or choices that rely on every single thing going exactly according to plan.  As I often find out, that rarely happens.  When something goes wrong, I have a built-in excuse as to why it wasn't my fault.  That's the difference between me and Kayla.  She has the foresight and the wisdom to plan for many possible outcomes.  She also doesn't have the prideful need to make things not her fault.  If something goes wrong with a plan of her devising, she's gracious enough to accept blame.
  On a completely different note, I've been able to build up quite a network of connections on both Facebook and Twitter!  All this is aiming toward our goal of helping Tibetan refugees in India.